In The News…

This dude laid in human waste to look at buttholes

poop creeper

Women don’t poop, but if we did, I would be afraid every single time because of this story:

The Keystone Fire Department were called to the White Water Park in Sand Springs, Oklahoma, yesterday to help extract a man found peeping on women from inside a public restroom septic tank.

52-year-old Kenneth Webster Enlow of Tulsa was reportedly caught after a woman and her 7-year-old daughter spotted him peering up at them from inside the toilet.

“He went in there, climbed down in the septic and was looking up at the people utilizing that facility,” Tulsa County Sheriff’s Maj. Shannon Clark said in a statement.

Firefighters had to hose down Enlow, who was “covered in human waste,” before transporting him to a local hospital for evaluation.

According to the arrest report, Enlow told deputies his girlfriend struck his head with a tire iron, and then dumped him in the toilet while he was unconscious.

However, the evaluation did not reveal injuries consist with his alibi.

While booking Enlow on Peeping Tom charges, deputies learned that the suspect had a felony warrant stemming from a 1998 embezzlement case as well as two prior convictions for public intoxication.

He remained in jail as of Monday afternoon. An arraignment date has been set for July 15.

What’s ironic to me is that 99% of men like to pretend that women don’t poop (WE DON’T, LOL). They’ve convinced themselves that every bite of food we eat enters our body, and evaporates through our skin. So obviously this guy is disturbed if he was so obsessed with vajays that he would lay in a pool of feces to look at some chocolate starfishes.

Ugh. So basically what this means is I’m not even safe IN A LOCKED BATHROOM STALL. Not even the handicap stall, which we all know is the best stall.

Also, just something I noticed that was funny, on Gawker (the website where I originally read this post) there was a little button on the main photo (above) and when I hovered my mouse over it, this is what popped up:

poop creeper annotation on Gawker

Fierce Eyebrow Alert…..Shawshank Redemption edition.


Two Chicago inmates, Kenneth Conley and Jose Banks, escaped jail by repelling TWENTY STORIES down a downtown Metropolitan Correctional Center using a makeshift rope and harness. They then escaped via taxi, and their trail has gone cold.

Investigators later found a broken window in the men’s cell, where window bars were found inside a mattress, according to an FBI affidavit. Fake metal bars also were found in the men’s cell, a rope was tied to a window bar, and each man’s bed was stuffed with clothing and sheets to resemble a body, the affidavit said.

It appeared to illustrate a meticulously planned escape — which came a week after Banks made a courtroom vow of retribution. Both men are facing hefty prison sentences, and the FBI said they should be considered armed and dangerous.

via Fox News

This is some wanna-be Shawshank Redemption plan. How much you want to bet they’re in Mexico on the beach enjoying all their cash together? The only difference is Jose Banks has WAY better eyebrows than Morgan Freeman. I never knew that waxing and tweezing services are available in jail. Maybe that’s why Chicago is always in a fiscal crisis.


Banks and his fierce eyebrows are my new favorite:

Banks, known as the Second-Hand Bandit because he wore used clothes during his heists, was convicted last week of robbing two banks and attempting to rob two others. Authorities say he stole almost $600,000, and most of that still is missing.

During trial, he had to be restrained because he threatened to walk out of the courtroom. He acted as his own attorney and verbally sparred with the prosecutor, at times arguing that that U.S. law didn’t apply to him because he was a sovereign citizen of a group that was above state and federal law.

YOU GO GIRL. You and your eyebrows.

Wait, it’s not a good idea to raft our way down a raging river 5 miles to shop at Walmart? All while drinking whiskey sours? WHAT?

Marvin Lee Kingsbury and Charles Kent Bowers came upon a genius thought: Let’s make whiskey sours, get a raft, and let’s float five miles down the Monocacy River — the raging, post-Sandy hurricane watered Monocacy River — so we can go shopping at Wal-Mart.

Kingsbury’s wife refused to help him with his idiot plan, and begged him not to go, but a friend agreed to pick them up upon their arrival. When the friend who did agree to pick them up informed Kingsbury’s wife that they never arrived at the Walmart, she went to the river, found her husband’s coat floating and thought he was dead, the report states. Here is a video of the ‘tard filled rescue that ensued:

Kingsbury and Bowers even brought along whiskey sours to drink in celebration of their arrival. Small problem is they never arrived, but I’d be willing to bet they did a lot of drinking after this whole thing went down. Bowers said they intended to drink the whiskey sours “like the victory cigar” when they reached their destination at Walmart. He said there were more turns and curves in the current than expected.

Additionally, Bowers said he had not changed his view about the trip and would do it again. “Absolutely, better boat next time,” Bowers said.

Well it won’t be hard to find a better boat next time, considering the one they used this time was a rubber raft rigged with a piece of plywood in the bottom and swim noodles for stability.

I’m glad this is what our tax dollars go towards. ‘merica!

via these guys and these guys.

Cee Lo Green is a ‘tard, changed most important lyrics to Lennon’s song “Imagine”

Cee Lo Green, who penned the contagious song “F*ck You,” performed John Lennon’s song “Imagine” on NBC’s New Year’s Eve show.

As an artist, it’s pretty rude to sing someone else’s song and change the lyrics. Plus, it’s just plain stupid to sing a globally beloved song, and change the lyrics. PEOPLE. WILL. NOTICE. And people will probably be pissed. On top of that, John Lennon is one of the best songwriters to ever live, and that song is one of the best written songs ever. You don’t need to change the words.

He changed the lyric “Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too to “Nothing to kill or die for, And all religion’s true.”

Fans were upset on Twitter, saying he essentially changed the entire message of the song. He tweeted, “Yo I meant no disrespect by changing the lyric guys! I was trying to say a world were u could believe what u wanted that’s all.” And later deleted the tweets, and any tweets referencing the gaffe.

I get what Ceelo’s saying, and I don’t think he’s changing the message of the song entirely. He’s agreeing that religion causes a lot of the unrest in the world, and he’s “imagining” a world where all religions could respect other religion’s beliefs. So all religions could live in peace. Everyone getting along……peace………same message, right? Just one has religion and one doesn’t? Eh…… who knows. Maybe I’m stretching it here.

Next year NBC should to avoid controversy and have their performer sing a song without any substance for NYE… how about “Baby” by Justin Bieber instead? Fair compromise I think.

via Fark via Huff Po

Media hypocrisy at its finest? ESPN roasting Paterno for not reporting abuse, meanwhile they had tapes confirming Bernie Fine abusing kids and didn’t report it

Let’s be honest, I don’t watch sports news often, it’s not exactly relevant to my website. I haven’t heard a PEEP about the newest “coach fired for molesting little kids” story until today because it’s not getting the same mainstream airtime as the Sandusky case so it’s taken a week or so for me to hear about it. But man oh man, I’m really, really mad. And I hope you guys are mad as well after reading about ESPN’s blatant hypocrisy. First off, some back story for those of you unfamiliar with what’s going on…

Syracuse associate head basketball coach Bernie Fine was fired from the coaching staff, and it turns out there are some child abuse allegations that are behind everything. The victim, Bobby Davis, now 39 years old, has been trying to get ANYONE to believe his story for over 10 years. And my guess is the only reason people are listening (and reporting it) now is because of the Jerry Sandusky media coverage.

Davis has claimed since 2002 that Bernie Fine molested him as a child for over a decade. There are also 2 new victims coming forward with abuse claims, but that’s a whole other story. Back to Davis, the police couldn’t do anything without proof, so he called the coach’s wife, Laurie Fine, and legally recorded their phone conversation in which she admitted she knew about the abuse, witnessed some of it, that she was sorry it happened, and that she thinks it happened to other children. You can listen to the audio here. Even with the audio, the cops said they were past the statute of limitations (5 years) and no charges could be brought. Davis then contacted ESPN and sent them the audio, hoping they’d pick up the story. They didn’t.

I read through the article to see if they gave an explanation of why it wasn’t reported, and I noticed this little blurb in the article:

Davis first gave the tape to ESPN in 2003. At the time, ESPN did not report Davis’ accusations, or report the contents of the tape, because no one else would corroborate his story.

After a second man said this month that he was also molested by Fine (that man is Mike Lang, Davis’ step brother), ESPN hired a voice-recognition expert who said the voice on the tape matches the voice of Laurie Fine. The call was made and received in states that don’t require both parties to consent to a call being recorded.

So let’s talk about that for a minute, because it makes me really, really angry. The line ESPN did not report Davis’ accusations, or report the contents of the tape, because no one else would corroborate his story” is troubling. There is NO new information today than there was in 2003, so why is ESPN OK reporting on this story now? Oh, right, now they have the voice recognition expert saying Laurie Fine was 100% the person on that audio. But the problem is THEY’VE HAD THAT AUDIO SINCE 2003 AND COULD’VE HIRED AN EXPERT TO EXAMINE IT THEN. So this really isn’t new information. It’s information they should’ve had in 2003. And should’ve reported as a news story back then.

To those of you that think ESPN shouldn’t have reported this as news because it’ “libel,” that’s simply not the case. I can see how it would be libel if it was simply a victim coming forward with claims, with no proof, and the police weren’t filing charges. But there are cold hard facts. Fact #1, a victim went to ESPN on record saying it happened, Fact #2, the abuser’s wife confirming she witnessed the abuse happening. Fact #3, knowing the cops couldn’t press charges because the statute of limitations expired.

That, right there, is a story. A legitimate story. So why wasn’t it reported? Who dropped the ball here? Using the “we couldn’t confirm it” excuse is BS. #1, ESPN runs stories all the time based on hearsay. #2, there were 2 sources in this case, which should be enough for a story. #3, the media reports all the time about facts surrounding a case, but doesn’t offer judgment on whether or not the crime took place. ESPN can report that the victim came forward, that there’s audio of Laurie Fine, etc, without actually saying the crime took place. If there are facts like this surrounding a case, it’s not libel. If anyone would be getting sued for libel, it would be the victim and Bernie’s wife for claiming he committed a crime if he didn’t actually commit the crime. ESPN is allowed to report people are making those claims, and has audio confirmation of both sources. That’s not libel. That’s journalism.

Does this seem really fishy to anyone but me? I don’t know why ESPN would want to cover up a story like this, but it seems like a complete failure in not only journalistic integrity, but a failure in being a decent human being. Whoever heard those audio tapes at ESPN and decided the public didn’t deserve to hear it should be fired. That guy has been coaching 8 years since ESPN got those tapes. 8. YEARS.

Sure you can argue that ESPN reporting this in 2003 wouldn’t have changed anything. The abuse already happened. But after seeing the aftermath of the Sandusky fiasco, we know that’s not true. A LOT can happen from media coverage. Victims come forward. People lose jobs when they’ve handled situations wrong. Police work harder to bring charges. Sure, it’s unconventional, but the media can use used to bring justice when it’s not available otherwise. And I think that’s what the victim was looking for by sending the audio to ESPN. If this supposed monster wasn’t going to jail, he at least wanted people to know. So he gave the media proof. And the media still didn’t share it.

But why? Just because there weren’t charges? Does that mean this guy still deserves a job working with young men? Does that mean parents don’t have a right to know? If ESPN and other media outlets would’ve circulated this story in 2003, this guy wouldn’t have have been coaching up until this year. I mean, think about that.

I just don’t understand how ESPN can report for days and days and days calling for the resignation of Joe Paterno for not reporting information information his assistant coach saw. But then they think it’s OK to not report information like this, when there’s SO MUCH proof. I mean, that phone call audio? Seriously? You’re just going to sit on that for 8 years? You don’t think that Syracuse University should hear that? Or that potential players should know about it? Or Syracuse fans? Or parents of children that are going to be around that guy?

Out of these two horrible failures of the system, who comes out looking more foolish? Paterno had information from another coach who saw something. Joe Paterno didn’t see anything. Joe Paterno didn’t talk to a victim. Joe Paterno didn’t have audio tapes. Yet Joe Paterno was fired and is being crucified in the media, INCLUDING ESPN. Meanwhile ESPN had audio and on-record quotes from a VICTIM confirming abuse took place and they swept it under the rug and didn’t fact check the validity of the audio until 8 years later. So if you ask me, ESPN looks way worse here. Yet everyone is acting like they acted appropriately, and I don’t get it. I really, really don’t.

I guess according to ESPN, it’s not worth reporting unless multiple children are molested. One kid? Ehhhhhh… the victim is probably lying. They need a second victim,  then and only then will they hire a voice-recognition expert to determine whether or not the tapes are legit. Glad to know that’s how journalism and BEING A DECENT HUMAN BEING works.

It’s a shame this story will most likely go unnoticed because ESPN is such a monopoly in sports reporting. Of course they’re not going to harp on their own screw up. I’m really hoping some of the mainstream media outlets pick up on this and hold ESPN accountable to encourage that some action is taken, AKA people need to get fired and make sure this doesn’t happen again.

UPDATE: Here’s an article I found entitled “ESPN reporter explains why Fine tape wasn’t released in 2002” yet, ironically, the reporter explains nothing about why it wasn’t released in 2002. So… that was productive? It almost seems like he’s indicating ESPN didn’t report it because the alleged acts were past the statute of limitations to PRESS CHARGES. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t HAPPEN. Again, that’s NOT an excuse.

I just read here that the statute of limitations for this type of abuse is 5 years, so when Davis came forward in 2003 with the tapes to ESPN and the police, no charges could be brought, even with the confirmation audio with Bernie Fine’s wife. ESPN seems to be indicating this is why they didn’t report it, but that still makes no sense because IT STILL HAPPENED. Just because charges can’t be brought doesn’t mean you don’t have a story.

UPDATE 2: The totally unhelpful article I linked in the last update is the only article showing up in a Google News search questioning ESPN’s reporting. Everyone else is glazing over it and accepting ESPN’s explanation. Why isn’t anyone talking about this or upset about this?

UPDATE 3: A third victim named Zach Tomaselli has come forward after seeing all the media coverage. He claims he was abused by Coach Fine in 2002 in a hotel room. It’s possible charges MAY be able to be taken out against Bernie Fine since the statute of limitations changes to 10 years when “an adult arranged for a child to be transported across state lines for the purpose of sex” which is supposedly the case here.

UPDATE 4: Props to the farker that spotted this not-so-ideal photo over at Huffington Post. Don’t see it? Look again. Took me a second glance.

UPDATE 5: As of yesterday there were no articles similar to mine. After being picked up by Reddit and Fark, I did another Google search and found writers expressing similar concerns on TheBigLead, HollywoodReporter and Courier-Journal. If anyone else spots another article, let me know. I hope bigger news organizations start asking questions, and get answers from ESPN on why they didn’t break this story 8 years ago.

via ESPN

I think I’m supposed to care that Demi Moore filed for divorce. So here’s a post about it.

I’m not a huge Demi Moore fan. I don’t even think I’ve seen a movie she’s been in. I only know her as “that old skank that stole my boyfriend” when I was in high school. I was only a liiiiiittle bit obsessed with Ashton Kutcher, like so many of you reading this. OHH WHATEVER, SHUT UP. You were obsessed with him, too. Don’t judge me.

But, SHOCKINGLY…….. no one saw this coming…….. she announced today that she’ll be filing for divorce. He famously cheated on her few months back, and the girl went and blabbed to the tabloids. While I DO think he cheated on her during their marriage, I don’t think he did that night. IT WAS THEIR ANNIVERSARY. They weren’t spending it together. I mean…. there were problems and they were at least separated. But it probably wasn’t announced to anyone at that point. And they were still working on things. But I’m sure that didn’t help things. It was also incredibly humiliating for Demi, so I can see why things have gone downhill since then.

It’s also sad that Demi married a man so much younger than her. She was in her prime when she married him. COUGAR PRIME. Super hot. Now she’s still hot, but way too thin…. and showing signs of age. So she won’t be able to land another 25 year old. And I PRAY if she’s somehow still able to, that she refrains and goes for a more age appropriate man….like a nice 55 year old oil tycoon billionaire? Go for one of those, Demi. You should’ve done that 8 years ago when everyone told you this would happen eventually!

Someone just paid $4.3 million for this ugly ass photograph.

I don’t even know what I’m looking at, but apparently it just sold for $3.89$4,338,500 (oops!) million dollars (MILLION. DOLLARS.) at Christie’s, making it the most expensive photograph ever. Taken by Andreas Gursky, called “Rhein II″ More information via Christie’s:

This work is number one from an edition of six.

Other works from this edition are in the collection of the Museum of Modern Art, New York; Pinakothek der Moderne, Munich; Tate Modern, London and the Glenstone Collection, Potomac.

I DON’T GET IT. I don’t get most art. Apparently this photo is really special for some reason. Special enough to be in museums. For some reason I’ll never understand.

I especially don’t understand people thinking a picture of basically nothing is worth more than $1,000. After $1,000 I’d be like ummmm NOPE! I will find something else beautiful for my living room, thanks.

I hope this photograph was purely a financial investment and not someone just thinking “MAN THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I WANT TO PAY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR IT.”

via The Daily What

update: thanks to the person in the comments for correcting me on messing up basically all the information in this post. *knucks*


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