Women don’t poop, but if we did, I would be afraid every single time because of this story:
The Keystone Fire Department were called to the White Water Park in Sand Springs, Oklahoma, yesterday to help extract a man found peeping on women from inside a public restroom septic tank.
52-year-old Kenneth Webster Enlow of Tulsa was reportedly caught after a woman and her 7-year-old daughter spotted him peering up at them from inside the toilet.
“He went in there, climbed down in the septic and was looking up at the people utilizing that facility,” Tulsa County Sheriff’s Maj. Shannon Clark said in a statement.
Firefighters had to hose down Enlow, who was “covered in human waste,” before transporting him to a local hospital for evaluation.
According to the arrest report, Enlow told deputies his girlfriend struck his head with a tire iron, and then dumped him in the toilet while he was unconscious.
However, the evaluation did not reveal injuries consist with his alibi.
While booking Enlow on Peeping Tom charges, deputies learned that the suspect had a felony warrant stemming from a 1998 embezzlement case as well as two prior convictions for public intoxication.
He remained in jail as of Monday afternoon. An arraignment date has been set for July 15.
What’s ironic to me is that 99% of men like to pretend that women don’t poop (WE DON’T, LOL). They’ve convinced themselves that every bite of food we eat enters our body, and evaporates through our skin. So obviously this guy is disturbed if he was so obsessed with vajays that he would lay in a pool of feces to look at some chocolate starfishes.
Ugh. So basically what this means is I’m not even safe IN A LOCKED BATHROOM STALL. Not even the handicap stall, which we all know is the best stall.
Also, just something I noticed that was funny, on Gawker (the website where I originally read this post) there was a little button on the main photo (above) and when I hovered my mouse over it, this is what popped up:
Two Chicago inmates, Kenneth Conley and Jose Banks, escaped jail by repelling TWENTY STORIES down a downtown Metropolitan Correctional Center using a makeshift rope and harness. They then escaped via taxi, and their trail has gone cold.
Investigators later found a broken window in the men’s cell, where window bars were found inside a mattress, according to an FBI affidavit. Fake metal bars also were found in the men’s cell, a rope was tied to a window bar, and each man’s bed was stuffed with clothing and sheets to resemble a body, the affidavit said.
It appeared to illustrate a meticulously planned escape — which came a week after Banks made a courtroom vow of retribution. Both men are facing hefty prison sentences, and the FBI said they should be considered armed and dangerous.
via Fox News
This is some wanna-be Shawshank Redemption plan. How much you want to bet they’re in Mexico on the beach enjoying all their cash together? The only difference is Jose Banks has WAY better eyebrows than Morgan Freeman. I never knew that waxing and tweezing services are available in jail. Maybe that’s why Chicago is always in a fiscal crisis.
Banks and his fierce eyebrows are my new favorite:
Banks, known as the Second-Hand Bandit because he wore used clothes during his heists, was convicted last week of robbing two banks and attempting to rob two others. Authorities say he stole almost $600,000, and most of that still is missing.
During trial, he had to be restrained because he threatened to walk out of the courtroom. He acted as his own attorney and verbally sparred with the prosecutor, at times arguing that that U.S. law didn’t apply to him because he was a sovereign citizen of a group that was above state and federal law.
YOU GO GIRL. You and your eyebrows.
Wait, it’s not a good idea to raft our way down a raging river 5 miles to shop at Walmart? All while drinking whiskey sours? WHAT?
Marvin Lee Kingsbury and Charles Kent Bowers came upon a genius thought: Let’s make whiskey sours, get a raft, and let’s float five miles down the Monocacy River — the raging, post-Sandy hurricane watered Monocacy River — so we can go shopping at Wal-Mart.
Kingsbury’s wife refused to help him with his idiot plan, and begged him not to go, but a friend agreed to pick them up upon their arrival. When the friend who did agree to pick them up informed Kingsbury’s wife that they never arrived at the Walmart, she went to the river, found her husband’s coat floating and thought he was dead, the report states. Here is a video of the ‘tard filled rescue that ensued:
Kingsbury and Bowers even brought along whiskey sours to drink in celebration of their arrival. Small problem is they never arrived, but I’d be willing to bet they did a lot of drinking after this whole thing went down. Bowers said they intended to drink the whiskey sours “like the victory cigar” when they reached their destination at Walmart. He said there were more turns and curves in the current than expected.
Additionally, Bowers said he had not changed his view about the trip and would do it again. “Absolutely, better boat next time,” Bowers said.
Well it won’t be hard to find a better boat next time, considering the one they used this time was a rubber raft rigged with a piece of plywood in the bottom and swim noodles for stability.
I’m glad this is what our tax dollars go towards. ‘merica!
Cee Lo Green, who penned the contagious song “F*ck You,” performed John Lennon’s song “Imagine” on NBC’s New Year’s Eve show.
As an artist, it’s pretty rude to sing someone else’s song and change the lyrics. Plus, it’s just plain stupid to sing a globally beloved song, and change the lyrics. PEOPLE. WILL. NOTICE. And people will probably be pissed. On top of that, John Lennon is one of the best songwriters to ever live, and that song is one of the best written songs ever. You don’t need to change the words.
He changed the lyric “Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too“ to “Nothing to kill or die for, And all religion’s true.”
Fans were upset on Twitter, saying he essentially changed the entire message of the song. He tweeted, “Yo I meant no disrespect by changing the lyric guys! I was trying to say a world were u could believe what u wanted that’s all.” And later deleted the tweets, and any tweets referencing the gaffe.
I get what Ceelo’s saying, and I don’t think he’s changing the message of the song entirely. He’s agreeing that religion causes a lot of the unrest in the world, and he’s “imagining” a world where all religions could respect other religion’s beliefs. So all religions could live in peace. Everyone getting along……peace………same message, right? Just one has religion and one doesn’t? Eh…… who knows. Maybe I’m stretching it here.
Next year NBC should to avoid controversy and have their performer sing a song without any substance for NYE… how about “Baby” by Justin Bieber instead? Fair compromise I think.
I’m not a huge Demi Moore fan. I don’t even think I’ve seen a movie she’s been in. I only know her as “that old skank that stole my boyfriend” when I was in high school. I was only a liiiiiittle bit obsessed with Ashton Kutcher, like so many of you reading this. OHH WHATEVER, SHUT UP. You were obsessed with him, too. Don’t judge me.
But, SHOCKINGLY…….. no one saw this coming…….. she announced today that she’ll be filing for divorce. He famously cheated on her few months back, and the girl went and blabbed to the tabloids. While I DO think he cheated on her during their marriage, I don’t think he did that night. IT WAS THEIR ANNIVERSARY. They weren’t spending it together. I mean…. there were problems and they were at least separated. But it probably wasn’t announced to anyone at that point. And they were still working on things. But I’m sure that didn’t help things. It was also incredibly humiliating for Demi, so I can see why things have gone downhill since then.
It’s also sad that Demi married a man so much younger than her. She was in her prime when she married him. COUGAR PRIME. Super hot. Now she’s still hot, but way too thin…. and showing signs of age. So she won’t be able to land another 25 year old. And I PRAY if she’s somehow still able to, that she refrains and goes for a more age appropriate man….like a nice 55 year old oil tycoon billionaire? Go for one of those, Demi. You should’ve done that 8 years ago when everyone told you this would happen eventually!
I don’t even know what I’m looking at, but apparently it just sold for
$3.89$4,338,500 (oops!) million dollars (MILLION. DOLLARS.) at Christie’s, making it the most expensive photograph ever. Taken by Andreas Gursky, called “Rhein II″ More information via Christie’s:
This work is number one from an edition of six.
Other works from this edition are in the collection of the Museum of Modern Art, New York; Pinakothek der Moderne, Munich; Tate Modern, London and the Glenstone Collection, Potomac.
I DON’T GET IT. I don’t get most art. Apparently this photo is really special for some reason. Special enough to be in museums. For some reason I’ll never understand.
I especially don’t understand people thinking a picture of basically nothing is worth more than $1,000. After $1,000 I’d be like ummmm NOPE! I will find something else beautiful for my living room, thanks.
I hope this photograph was purely a financial investment and not someone just thinking “MAN THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I WANT TO PAY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR IT.”
via The Daily What
update: thanks to the person in the comments for correcting me on messing up basically all the information in this post. *knucks*