Some lady named Kari Schuster invented this pizza that’s not really a pizza but just a bunch of really shitty pizza flavored snack foods. How she managed to make pizza even more unhealthy than it already is impresses me. All the ingredients looks pretty delicious except for PIZZA HUMMUS. Because seriously, the only thing that sounds nastier than hummus is pizza hummus. Here’s what Kari says of her creation:
Without the distractions of the daytime crowds, grocery shopping late at night yields many more hidden gems amongst the aisles. On a recent twilight excursion I found myself standing in the refrigerator section staring at one of the most delightful cultural hybrids ever: pizza-flavored hummus.
It occurred to me that up until now I had been limiting myself to pizza only in its natural state. It was obvious what I had to do next — find as many pizza-flavored items as I could and turn them into a pizza.[Editor's note: Sweet Jesus.]
Two grocery stores, one gas station, and a couple of strange looks from the cashier later and I had my haul: Pizza Supreme Doritos, Pizzalicious Pringles, Pepperidge Farm Flavor Blasted Xplosive Pizza Goldfish crackers, Pepperoni Pizza Combos, and of course, the pizza hummus.
Want to learn how to make it? Here are some photos, since I’m pretty sure if you’re dumb enough to want to eat this, you’re probably too dumb to read and follow a recipe.
I ate every single one of these (except Danimals…. because seriously…… liquid yogurt?) in my lunch at school throughout the 1990’s and well into the 2000’s. I’m pretty sure my dad packed me Gushers up until my senior year in high school (2006 for those of you that are counting).
I wish I could still eat lunch like this. I’d weigh 600 lbs if I did, but I think it’d be worth it………………………………….. yeah. I thought about that for a minute. Definitely worth it.
Public enemy #1.