Just kidding, I want to be THIS guy’s friend.

I fucking told you!

If you’re following me on Facebook you would’ve seen this yesterday….

If you’re following my blog on Facebook (here!)you would’ve seen this yesterday….

Do you see “it”? I can’t tell you what “it” is, but when you see it, you’ll know right away…. click the picture for a bigger version




Your secret is safe with me and my best friend.

Is butter a carb?

Adorable way of announcing you’re pregnant

Best couples halloween costume EVER.


FUCKING BLUE SHELL, DAMN IT. Always right before I’m about to win, and then I end up in 4th!

Who put a dick in this box?

This too was stolen from Adry.


hahaha. Stole this from Adry!

Presented without commentary

If Barbie were an actual woman…

“If Barbie were an actual woman, she would be 5’9″ tall, have a 39″ bust, an 18″ waist, 33″ hips and a size 3 shoe. She likely would not menstruate… she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.” Slayen estimates Barbie would weigh 110 pounds and have a BMI of 16.24. She based her numbers on the book “Body Wars” by Dr. Margo Maine, and readily admits the doll’s head, hands and some other features are not to scale.

via Pinterest

You mad?

Presented without commentary:


This is awesome! All kids are artists at heart…

Ahhhhh I love this!! I stole it from Kate’s facebook. Thanks, Kate! Hopefully you won’t see this post and realize I stalk your life. via This Is Colossall:

This December, in a surprisingly simple yet ridiculously amazing installation for the Queensland Gallery of Modern Ar, artist Yayoi Kusama constructed a large domestic environment, painting every wall, chair, table, piano, and household decoration a brilliant white, effectively serving as a giant white canvas. Over the course of two weeks, the museum’s smallest visitors were given thousands upon thousands of colored dot stickers and were invited to collaborate in the transformation of the space, turning the house into a vibrantly mottled explosion of color

Pretty neat stuff. I like the random smiley faces you see here or there. I’d probably place a few stickers to strategically make a penis. But that’s because I’m a pervert.

I love how they credited an artist with this. ALL HE DID WAS PUT A BUNCH OF WHITE FURNITURE IN A ROOM. The visitors and kids did it all!

I hate Marilyn Monroe, but I love this dress.

I feel like this is something I’d see on the red carpet TODAY. This dress was definitely ahead of its time, I don’t remember seeing anything like that.

People say divorce might cost Katy Perry $40 million… I don’t buy it!

As you all know by now, Katy Perry and Russell Brand are getting divorced. Russell announced it on Friday before the holiday weekend. Some people said Russell blindsided Katy by filing, and she had no idea it was coming, etc etc…. insenuating this was going to get messy. Then it was reported that she asked him to file, because her parents are ultra-religious, don’t believe in divorce, and she thought it would help the situation if he were to file instead of her. So that’s good, right? Shows there’s some cooperationg between both sides because he’s doing her a favor, not blindsiding her.

Lots of whispers that there wasn’t a pre-nup and he’s going to take her for million. I do believe there was no pre-nup. They seemed like they wanted to be untraditional Hollywood. Katy is a traditional girl, as far as her values go. She was raised in the same type of home I was, preacher parents. Even though she doesn’t practice religion strictly, I think she values marriage and what it represents and doesn’t want to intentionally “cheapen” it by getting a pre-nup thinking, “My marriage is going to last forever, I’m not going to insult him by wanting a pre-nup!”

Here’s the thing though…….even without a pre-nup, I do NOT see this getting ugly. Russell will not try to make money off it. He won’t seek spousal support. He won’t try to get half her money. He’s not that kind of guy. It’s everything his career isn’t. He’s always been a womanizer, he’s successful, he’s aloof, he’s funny, he makes fun of celebrities that fall into cliches…. how much more of a contradiction is it for him to get married to chick, divorce her soon after, and take half the money in a messy divorce? He doesn’t want to be seen that way.

And even if you ignore the fact that it would be hypocritical, everything I’m reading makes it seem as though they really did love each other, there was no cheating, they just didn’t get along and argued too much. They worked on it and agreed they weren’t meant to be. Basically, Katy pulled a Kim Kardashian, but she stuck it out for 6-8 months after their honeymoon phase ended…trying to make it work. Instead of just immediately filing for divorce like Kim did.

I don’t think they want it to get ugly, because it’s not ugly right now. Why would they make it worse? They still care for each other….that won’t happen. At least I’m going to keep telling myself it won’t happen!

What do you think? Is it going to get ugly?

Photo via The Daily Mail

I’m a bad blog mom.

You guys. I’m really sorry that I suck at updating the website lately. I don’t have a good excuse, other than December has been a busy month in my real life. (Yes, I actually have a real life. No really, I do.)

I promsie I’m gonna go home tonight and post so many awesome things that you start to hate awesome stuff just because you’ve seen so many at once on my website.

Hope you had a Merry Christmas.


Note to self, do something like this with my nails soon.

Note to self, do something like this with my nails soon.

Carey Ahr from Virgin Diaries answers some of my hard hitting questions, like “have you gotten laid yet?”

If you tuned in with me last Sunday to watch the premier of Virgin Diaries on TLC, you met CAREY, the easy going 35 year old virgin, who was supposedly on a mission to get deflowered. In my live blog I took a liking to him, mostly because he was funny, not a religious crazy person, and I dunno… I just liked him. In case you missed the episode, here’s a recap of some of my favorite Carey moments

I guess Carey saw some of my tweets, because THIS happened:

I tweeted him and asked if he’d answer a few questions for me, since I was curious how filming worked, and what has happened since the show aired, and he said yes! We talk about TLC’s “creative editing,” what really happened with Stephanie, his heartfelt apology to Natalie Portman, and most importantly…..if Carey has gotten laid yet. So yeah, here’s my hard hitting journalism………… I’m sure I’ll be winning some type of award very soon :)

How did you first hear about the show? Was it like the end of a Maury episode, where they’re like “IF YOU KNOW A WOMAN THAT HAS MORE THAN 15 CHILDREN AND YOU WANT TO CONFRONT HER, CALL 800-555-5555“, except at the end of Sister Wives, and about being a virgin? Or did TLC reach out to you?

I posted an AMA (“Ask Me Anything”) on Reddit (link here), and they contacted me through Reddit.

The casting director called me over the summer to get a few questions answered, and then I kind of forgot about it. Then at the end of August, the producer called and wanted me to put together a 5 minute video of myself being “high energy” to show how I would be on TV. They don’t want anyone boring of course :) I don’t really consider myself high energy (I’m super laid-back), but I guess I was interesting enough!
Weren’t you like…………..really nervous about everyone you know finding out you’re still a virgin? Or did everyone already know (besides your mom, of course)?
My close friends all knew I was a virgin. Of course, they were surprised at the time when they found out. I’m not too worried about other people knowing. If it makes someone think negatively of me, that’s their problem, not mine. And I didn’t worry about it hurting my dating chances, because they couldn’t get much worse anyway :)

I think the weirdest thing is people at work knowing. These are people who know me, see me every day, think I’m this super cool guy, but of course we don’t talk about sex at work, so they had no idea. I think most of them just think it’s cool that I get to be on TV.
Did you and Stephanie ever go on another date? She seemed cool. I hope you accepted her Facebook friend request.
Stephanie is very cool, and we’re friends on Facebook. We didn’t go on a second date, but we’ve kept in touch. I sent her some fudge today :)
You seem like a funny, nice guy. I don’t understand how you’ve never had a serious relationship! Have you ever tried internet dating? You should! I think you’d find a nice lady friend.
I’ve had the same problem with internet dating as I have in real life dating: I just don’t make enough effort. Plus, I know it’s not like women aren’t attracted to me. There are women out there who have expressed an interest in me, but I haven’t been interested back. And the women I’ve expressed an interest in haven’t been interested back. Mutual attraction is just something that I haven’t achieved. You could draw the conclusion that I must be pretty picky, and you might be right. Unfortunately, that’s not something I can consciously change about myself.
Speaking of which, what are you looking for in a lady friend? Maybe someone reading this lives by you! I can play internet matchmaker…………or something.
I definitely like women with a sense of humor, and who are kind of nerdy. Confidence is important too (just like it is for guys). Physically speaking, I am attracted to smiles, and, for some reason, long necks. Petite fair-skinned brunettes with librarian glasses and tattoos tend to turn my head more than anyone else, but that’s not to say I wouldn’t date the exact opposite. That’s just what I’ve noticed catches my eye :)
Were there any moments on the episode that embarrassed you having to rewatch, or made you cringe? Anything you regret saying?
6. In the scene where I’m running, I cringed a bit, because of what I said about running to get better at sex (something about cardio?). I was just making shit up at that point. The real reason I was running is because as soon as they told me they wanted to do the show, I put myself on the “Holy Crap I’m Going to be on TV” diet. They wanted to shoot me running, and wanted me to say something that related getting in shape to losing my virginity. That wasn’t my motivation to lose the weight though – it was that my fat ass was going to be on TV :) Anyway, I’d lost 17 pounds up to that point, and since then I’ve lost 14 more. 31 pounds in 3 months – not bad :)
The major thing I regret saying is whatever I said about Natalie Portman (I’ve only seen the show once, when it aired, so my memory is fuzzy). I was exaggerating for effect, but a lot of people don’t seem to understand that. I was just making a point about what thresholds would have to be met if I was just going to have sex with a complete stranger. Ordinarily, I would need to build up some level of trust and affection before I’d have sex with a woman. I’m not a one night stand kind of guy. Anyway, I’m sorry I said that about her. I didn’t mean to objectify her or anything.
On Twitter you said the show had some “creative editing” and you didn’t actually consider sleeping with that crazy woman at the bar. Was it also creative editing that you went there looking for someone to potentially hook up with? For the record, I’m stoked you didn’t seal the deal with her. You would’ve regretted that.
I didn’t go to the bar that night looking to have sex with whatever woman wanted to. Just like in my last answer, I’d have to build up some level of trust and affection, so we’d have to go on a few dates first. If all I wanted to do was have sex, I could have (and probably would have) lost my virginity years ago. I’m looking for a girlfriend. That’s the real problem: that I’ve never had a girlfriend. My virginity is just a symptom of that, as far as I’m concerned.
But anyway, that was definitely the creative editing. My wingman who was encouraging me (again, I can’t remember the exact words he used) knows me – he knows I didn’t want to go home with Headlicker. He was encouraging me to ask a completely different woman out that I had been talking to him about. He said, “Are you gonna do it?” because he wanted me to ask her out on Monday, after the shoot was over. And I said, “Yeah, I’m gonna do it.” And I did ask her out that Monday (sort of). She had just gotten out of a relationship so I asked her if she was ready to start dating again, and she said no. I told her I’d like to ask her out when she was ready, and she blushed, smiled, and said ok. We haven’t ended up going out though. Complicated :)
So, I hope this isn’t too personal, but since you filmed the episode, have you gotten laid? Or gotten CLOSER to it? If not, we’re all rooting for you! At least you have a good ice breaker now!
I haven’t been on any dates since Stephanie, and I haven’t had sex. I’m still figuring all this stuff out for now :) Interviews, tweeting (I’m still a novice twitter user), and keeping up with everything is keeping me busy right now. It should be a good icebreaker, but even just doing all this stuff is getting me out of my shell and comfort zone, so even if I talk to someone who never saw the show, it’s a little easier for me :)
So I guess that’s that. If there are any pale, tattooed chicks that are into Carey, you can follow him on Twitter, and make sure you give me credit when you guys seal the deal! Don’t forget to tune in next Wednesday (they switched days) for another live blogging of the Virgin Diaries episode, hopefully the next batch of people will be as entertaining as week one.

Michelle Trachtenberg was almost Bella Swan. ALMOST.

Michelle Trachtenberg told US Weekly that she was almost Bella in Twilight. CRAP. She would’ve been great as Bella. She might’ve breathed some life into that crappy acting fiasco. Maybe I’m just biased because I dislike Kristen Stewart so much…… anyway, here’s what she said:

“I’ve known [director] Catherine Hardwicke since the movie Thirteen,” she said. “I was actually supposed to star in that, but I was on Buffy at the time.”

“I guess schedules never worked out,” she explained. “I already have Buffy, I’ve already done the vampire thing.”

But the Gossip Girl star doesn’t want to speculate how her life would be different if she’d starred opposite Robert Pattinson in the blockbuster films. “that you’re not living in the moment and you’re looking negatively at what you’re doing now,” she mused.

While Michelle is well-known and a has familiar face, I don’t think she’s famous famous. Most people don’t know who she is. So for her to say, “Ohhhhh, it doesn’t matter what my life would be like if took that role” is completely BS. You know she’s like CRAAAAAAAPPPPPP!!!!! I think Twilight would’ve made her famous famous, just like it did for Kristen Stewart. But whatever, I guess I don’t expert her to answer honestly. You don’t want to sound bitter about missing five multi-million dollar salaries, and being in one of the biggest teen franchise films ever….even if you are.

Do you think she would’ve made a better Bella?

25 signs you miiiight be spending too much time on the internet.

Shit, son. I do so many of these things. Especially #18. And #3. And #2 (I always let it go to voicemail). DEFINITELY #21 (I think EVERYONE can. No? That’s not normal?) and #22. Shit. I need to get a life.

1. You haven’t read a whole book in a year, but you have read the entire Wikipedia pages for “Sleep”, “Jon Voight”, and “Yo momma (maternal insult)” today.

2. The prospect of any phone conversation provokes an unreasonable level of anxiety.

3. You just steal sh*t when you’re bored.

4. You know where your high school best friend’s former roommate’s gorgeous ex-girlfriend goes for the summers (Nantucket. Her cousin Becky is kind of terrible though, you can tell).

5. You find the concept of paying for pornography endearing.

6. You’ve had multiple conversations with friends speculating about the sexuality of someone you haven’t seen since you were six.

7. You’ve forgotten that watching TV on the TV used to be, like, a thing.

8. You have a legit panic attack when you can’t reconnect to your WiFi network.

9. You’ve seen all of “Felicity” despite never enjoying a single episode.

10. You hate Jeff Dunham way more than he even deserves.

11. Going to the movies counts as having a “break from technology”.

12. The phrase “follow me” does not even remotely invoke thoughts of physical movement.

13. You send emotionally complex, romantically tinged messages by “Like”-ing shit on Facebook.

14. You know far less about the Mayor of your city than you do about the Mayor of your local Panera Bread on FourSquare.

15. You think a beautiful sunset lighting up the New York skyline on a November evening just looks like a shitty desktop background.

16. You treat people who say they don’t have Facebook as if they have a horrible illness that you have to do your best to appear optimistic about.

17. You haven’t been on a date in months, but you do have a really messy, emotional shitshow “friends with benefits” situation going on in SecondLife.

18. The words “LiveJournal” or “Xanga” bring up far more nostalgia than any old home movie could.

19. Your reading responses for classes often just say: “TLDNR”.

20. You’ve gotten past the tenth page of comments on the YouTube video of that little British girl rapping with Nicki Minaj on Ellen.

21. You can name more celebrities with leaked nude photos than American presidents.

22. The last family argument you had was over Gchat.

23.Whenever you find a penny or dollar bill, you hear that “Congratulations! You’ve won!” voice inside your head.

24. Your day is completely made when you get a “what up my brother!!” tweet back from @mark_mcgrath from Sugar Ray.

25. You know what Da Brat is up to these days.

Also, conspicuously absent?

26. You are reading this list

via College Humor


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