In The News…

This dude laid in human waste to look at buttholes

poop creeper

Women don’t poop, but if we did, I would be afraid every single time because of this story:

The Keystone Fire Department were called to the White Water Park in Sand Springs, Oklahoma, yesterday to help extract a man found peeping on women from inside a public restroom septic tank.

52-year-old Kenneth Webster Enlow of Tulsa was reportedly caught after a woman and her 7-year-old daughter spotted him peering up at them from inside the toilet.

“He went in there, climbed down in the septic and was looking up at the people utilizing that facility,” Tulsa County Sheriff’s Maj. Shannon Clark said in a statement.

Firefighters had to hose down Enlow, who was “covered in human waste,” before transporting him to a local hospital for evaluation.

According to the arrest report, Enlow told deputies his girlfriend struck his head with a tire iron, and then dumped him in the toilet while he was unconscious.

However, the evaluation did not reveal injuries consist with his alibi.

While booking Enlow on Peeping Tom charges, deputies learned that the suspect had a felony warrant stemming from a 1998 embezzlement case as well as two prior convictions for public intoxication.

He remained in jail as of Monday afternoon. An arraignment date has been set for July 15.

What’s ironic to me is that 99% of men like to pretend that women don’t poop (WE DON’T, LOL). They’ve convinced themselves that every bite of food we eat enters our body, and evaporates through our skin. So obviously this guy is disturbed if he was so obsessed with vajays that he would lay in a pool of feces to look at some chocolate starfishes.

Ugh. So basically what this means is I’m not even safe IN A LOCKED BATHROOM STALL. Not even the handicap stall, which we all know is the best stall.

Also, just something I noticed that was funny, on Gawker (the website where I originally read this post) there was a little button on the main photo (above) and when I hovered my mouse over it, this is what popped up:

poop creeper annotation on Gawker

Fierce Eyebrow Alert…..Shawshank Redemption edition.


Two Chicago inmates, Kenneth Conley and Jose Banks, escaped jail by repelling TWENTY STORIES down a downtown Metropolitan Correctional Center using a makeshift rope and harness. They then escaped via taxi, and their trail has gone cold.

Investigators later found a broken window in the men’s cell, where window bars were found inside a mattress, according to an FBI affidavit. Fake metal bars also were found in the men’s cell, a rope was tied to a window bar, and each man’s bed was stuffed with clothing and sheets to resemble a body, the affidavit said.

It appeared to illustrate a meticulously planned escape — which came a week after Banks made a courtroom vow of retribution. Both men are facing hefty prison sentences, and the FBI said they should be considered armed and dangerous.

via Fox News

This is some wanna-be Shawshank Redemption plan. How much you want to bet they’re in Mexico on the beach enjoying all their cash together? The only difference is Jose Banks has WAY better eyebrows than Morgan Freeman. I never knew that waxing and tweezing services are available in jail. Maybe that’s why Chicago is always in a fiscal crisis.


Banks and his fierce eyebrows are my new favorite:

Banks, known as the Second-Hand Bandit because he wore used clothes during his heists, was convicted last week of robbing two banks and attempting to rob two others. Authorities say he stole almost $600,000, and most of that still is missing.

During trial, he had to be restrained because he threatened to walk out of the courtroom. He acted as his own attorney and verbally sparred with the prosecutor, at times arguing that that U.S. law didn’t apply to him because he was a sovereign citizen of a group that was above state and federal law.

YOU GO GIRL. You and your eyebrows.

Wait, it’s not a good idea to raft our way down a raging river 5 miles to shop at Walmart? All while drinking whiskey sours? WHAT?

Marvin Lee Kingsbury and Charles Kent Bowers came upon a genius thought: Let’s make whiskey sours, get a raft, and let’s float five miles down the Monocacy River — the raging, post-Sandy hurricane watered Monocacy River — so we can go shopping at Wal-Mart.

Kingsbury’s wife refused to help him with his idiot plan, and begged him not to go, but a friend agreed to pick them up upon their arrival. When the friend who did agree to pick them up informed Kingsbury’s wife that they never arrived at the Walmart, she went to the river, found her husband’s coat floating and thought he was dead, the report states. Here is a video of the ‘tard filled rescue that ensued:

Kingsbury and Bowers even brought along whiskey sours to drink in celebration of their arrival. Small problem is they never arrived, but I’d be willing to bet they did a lot of drinking after this whole thing went down. Bowers said they intended to drink the whiskey sours “like the victory cigar” when they reached their destination at Walmart. He said there were more turns and curves in the current than expected.

Additionally, Bowers said he had not changed his view about the trip and would do it again. “Absolutely, better boat next time,” Bowers said.

Well it won’t be hard to find a better boat next time, considering the one they used this time was a rubber raft rigged with a piece of plywood in the bottom and swim noodles for stability.

I’m glad this is what our tax dollars go towards. ‘merica!

via these guys and these guys.

Cee Lo Green is a ‘tard, changed most important lyrics to Lennon’s song “Imagine”

Cee Lo Green, who penned the contagious song “F*ck You,” performed John Lennon’s song “Imagine” on NBC’s New Year’s Eve show.

As an artist, it’s pretty rude to sing someone else’s song and change the lyrics. Plus, it’s just plain stupid to sing a globally beloved song, and change the lyrics. PEOPLE. WILL. NOTICE. And people will probably be pissed. On top of that, John Lennon is one of the best songwriters to ever live, and that song is one of the best written songs ever. You don’t need to change the words.

He changed the lyric “Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too to “Nothing to kill or die for, And all religion’s true.”

Fans were upset on Twitter, saying he essentially changed the entire message of the song. He tweeted, “Yo I meant no disrespect by changing the lyric guys! I was trying to say a world were u could believe what u wanted that’s all.” And later deleted the tweets, and any tweets referencing the gaffe.

I get what Ceelo’s saying, and I don’t think he’s changing the message of the song entirely. He’s agreeing that religion causes a lot of the unrest in the world, and he’s “imagining” a world where all religions could respect other religion’s beliefs. So all religions could live in peace. Everyone getting along……peace………same message, right? Just one has religion and one doesn’t? Eh…… who knows. Maybe I’m stretching it here.

Next year NBC should to avoid controversy and have their performer sing a song without any substance for NYE… how about “Baby” by Justin Bieber instead? Fair compromise I think.

via Fark via Huff Po

Media hypocrisy at its finest? ESPN roasting Paterno for not reporting abuse, meanwhile they had tapes confirming Bernie Fine abusing kids and didn’t report it

Let’s be honest, I don’t watch sports news often, it’s not exactly relevant to my website. I haven’t heard a PEEP about the newest “coach fired for molesting little kids” story until today because it’s not getting the same mainstream airtime as the Sandusky case so it’s taken a week or so for me to hear about it. But man oh man, I’m really, really mad. And I hope you guys are mad as well after reading about ESPN’s blatant hypocrisy. First off, some back story for those of you unfamiliar with what’s going on…

Syracuse associate head basketball coach Bernie Fine was fired from the coaching staff, and it turns out there are some child abuse allegations that are behind everything. The victim, Bobby Davis, now 39 years old, has been trying to get ANYONE to believe his story for over 10 years. And my guess is the only reason people are listening (and reporting it) now is because of the Jerry Sandusky media coverage.

Davis has claimed since 2002 that Bernie Fine molested him as a child for over a decade. There are also 2 new victims coming forward with abuse claims, but that’s a whole other story. Back to Davis, the police couldn’t do anything without proof, so he called the coach’s wife, Laurie Fine, and legally recorded their phone conversation in which she admitted she knew about the abuse, witnessed some of it, that she was sorry it happened, and that she thinks it happened to other children. You can listen to the audio here. Even with the audio, the cops said they were past the statute of limitations (5 years) and no charges could be brought. Davis then contacted ESPN and sent them the audio, hoping they’d pick up the story. They didn’t.

I read through the article to see if they gave an explanation of why it wasn’t reported, and I noticed this little blurb in the article:

Davis first gave the tape to ESPN in 2003. At the time, ESPN did not report Davis’ accusations, or report the contents of the tape, because no one else would corroborate his story.

After a second man said this month that he was also molested by Fine (that man is Mike Lang, Davis’ step brother), ESPN hired a voice-recognition expert who said the voice on the tape matches the voice of Laurie Fine. The call was made and received in states that don’t require both parties to consent to a call being recorded.

So let’s talk about that for a minute, because it makes me really, really angry. The line ESPN did not report Davis’ accusations, or report the contents of the tape, because no one else would corroborate his story” is troubling. There is NO new information today than there was in 2003, so why is ESPN OK reporting on this story now? Oh, right, now they have the voice recognition expert saying Laurie Fine was 100% the person on that audio. But the problem is THEY’VE HAD THAT AUDIO SINCE 2003 AND COULD’VE HIRED AN EXPERT TO EXAMINE IT THEN. So this really isn’t new information. It’s information they should’ve had in 2003. And should’ve reported as a news story back then.

To those of you that think ESPN shouldn’t have reported this as news because it’ “libel,” that’s simply not the case. I can see how it would be libel if it was simply a victim coming forward with claims, with no proof, and the police weren’t filing charges. But there are cold hard facts. Fact #1, a victim went to ESPN on record saying it happened, Fact #2, the abuser’s wife confirming she witnessed the abuse happening. Fact #3, knowing the cops couldn’t press charges because the statute of limitations expired.

That, right there, is a story. A legitimate story. So why wasn’t it reported? Who dropped the ball here? Using the “we couldn’t confirm it” excuse is BS. #1, ESPN runs stories all the time based on hearsay. #2, there were 2 sources in this case, which should be enough for a story. #3, the media reports all the time about facts surrounding a case, but doesn’t offer judgment on whether or not the crime took place. ESPN can report that the victim came forward, that there’s audio of Laurie Fine, etc, without actually saying the crime took place. If there are facts like this surrounding a case, it’s not libel. If anyone would be getting sued for libel, it would be the victim and Bernie’s wife for claiming he committed a crime if he didn’t actually commit the crime. ESPN is allowed to report people are making those claims, and has audio confirmation of both sources. That’s not libel. That’s journalism.

Does this seem really fishy to anyone but me? I don’t know why ESPN would want to cover up a story like this, but it seems like a complete failure in not only journalistic integrity, but a failure in being a decent human being. Whoever heard those audio tapes at ESPN and decided the public didn’t deserve to hear it should be fired. That guy has been coaching 8 years since ESPN got those tapes. 8. YEARS.

Sure you can argue that ESPN reporting this in 2003 wouldn’t have changed anything. The abuse already happened. But after seeing the aftermath of the Sandusky fiasco, we know that’s not true. A LOT can happen from media coverage. Victims come forward. People lose jobs when they’ve handled situations wrong. Police work harder to bring charges. Sure, it’s unconventional, but the media can use used to bring justice when it’s not available otherwise. And I think that’s what the victim was looking for by sending the audio to ESPN. If this supposed monster wasn’t going to jail, he at least wanted people to know. So he gave the media proof. And the media still didn’t share it.

But why? Just because there weren’t charges? Does that mean this guy still deserves a job working with young men? Does that mean parents don’t have a right to know? If ESPN and other media outlets would’ve circulated this story in 2003, this guy wouldn’t have have been coaching up until this year. I mean, think about that.

I just don’t understand how ESPN can report for days and days and days calling for the resignation of Joe Paterno for not reporting information information his assistant coach saw. But then they think it’s OK to not report information like this, when there’s SO MUCH proof. I mean, that phone call audio? Seriously? You’re just going to sit on that for 8 years? You don’t think that Syracuse University should hear that? Or that potential players should know about it? Or Syracuse fans? Or parents of children that are going to be around that guy?

Out of these two horrible failures of the system, who comes out looking more foolish? Paterno had information from another coach who saw something. Joe Paterno didn’t see anything. Joe Paterno didn’t talk to a victim. Joe Paterno didn’t have audio tapes. Yet Joe Paterno was fired and is being crucified in the media, INCLUDING ESPN. Meanwhile ESPN had audio and on-record quotes from a VICTIM confirming abuse took place and they swept it under the rug and didn’t fact check the validity of the audio until 8 years later. So if you ask me, ESPN looks way worse here. Yet everyone is acting like they acted appropriately, and I don’t get it. I really, really don’t.

I guess according to ESPN, it’s not worth reporting unless multiple children are molested. One kid? Ehhhhhh… the victim is probably lying. They need a second victim,  then and only then will they hire a voice-recognition expert to determine whether or not the tapes are legit. Glad to know that’s how journalism and BEING A DECENT HUMAN BEING works.

It’s a shame this story will most likely go unnoticed because ESPN is such a monopoly in sports reporting. Of course they’re not going to harp on their own screw up. I’m really hoping some of the mainstream media outlets pick up on this and hold ESPN accountable to encourage that some action is taken, AKA people need to get fired and make sure this doesn’t happen again.

UPDATE: Here’s an article I found entitled “ESPN reporter explains why Fine tape wasn’t released in 2002″ yet, ironically, the reporter explains nothing about why it wasn’t released in 2002. So… that was productive? It almost seems like he’s indicating ESPN didn’t report it because the alleged acts were past the statute of limitations to PRESS CHARGES. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t HAPPEN. Again, that’s NOT an excuse.

I just read here that the statute of limitations for this type of abuse is 5 years, so when Davis came forward in 2003 with the tapes to ESPN and the police, no charges could be brought, even with the confirmation audio with Bernie Fine’s wife. ESPN seems to be indicating this is why they didn’t report it, but that still makes no sense because IT STILL HAPPENED. Just because charges can’t be brought doesn’t mean you don’t have a story.

UPDATE 2: The totally unhelpful article I linked in the last update is the only article showing up in a Google News search questioning ESPN’s reporting. Everyone else is glazing over it and accepting ESPN’s explanation. Why isn’t anyone talking about this or upset about this?

UPDATE 3: A third victim named Zach Tomaselli has come forward after seeing all the media coverage. He claims he was abused by Coach Fine in 2002 in a hotel room. It’s possible charges MAY be able to be taken out against Bernie Fine since the statute of limitations changes to 10 years when “an adult arranged for a child to be transported across state lines for the purpose of sex” which is supposedly the case here.

UPDATE 4: Props to the farker that spotted this not-so-ideal photo over at Huffington Post. Don’t see it? Look again. Took me a second glance.

UPDATE 5: As of yesterday there were no articles similar to mine. After being picked up by Reddit and Fark, I did another Google search and found writers expressing similar concerns on TheBigLead, HollywoodReporter and Courier-Journal. If anyone else spots another article, let me know. I hope bigger news organizations start asking questions, and get answers from ESPN on why they didn’t break this story 8 years ago.

via ESPN

I think I’m supposed to care that Demi Moore filed for divorce. So here’s a post about it.

I’m not a huge Demi Moore fan. I don’t even think I’ve seen a movie she’s been in. I only know her as “that old skank that stole my boyfriend” when I was in high school. I was only a liiiiiittle bit obsessed with Ashton Kutcher, like so many of you reading this. OHH WHATEVER, SHUT UP. You were obsessed with him, too. Don’t judge me.

But, SHOCKINGLY…….. no one saw this coming…….. she announced today that she’ll be filing for divorce. He famously cheated on her few months back, and the girl went and blabbed to the tabloids. While I DO think he cheated on her during their marriage, I don’t think he did that night. IT WAS THEIR ANNIVERSARY. They weren’t spending it together. I mean…. there were problems and they were at least separated. But it probably wasn’t announced to anyone at that point. And they were still working on things. But I’m sure that didn’t help things. It was also incredibly humiliating for Demi, so I can see why things have gone downhill since then.

It’s also sad that Demi married a man so much younger than her. She was in her prime when she married him. COUGAR PRIME. Super hot. Now she’s still hot, but way too thin…. and showing signs of age. So she won’t be able to land another 25 year old. And I PRAY if she’s somehow still able to, that she refrains and goes for a more age appropriate man….like a nice 55 year old oil tycoon billionaire? Go for one of those, Demi. You should’ve done that 8 years ago when everyone told you this would happen eventually!

Someone just paid $4.3 million for this ugly ass photograph.

I don’t even know what I’m looking at, but apparently it just sold for $3.89$4,338,500 (oops!) million dollars (MILLION. DOLLARS.) at Christie’s, making it the most expensive photograph ever. Taken by Andreas Gursky, called “Rhein II″ More information via Christie’s:

This work is number one from an edition of six.

Other works from this edition are in the collection of the Museum of Modern Art, New York; Pinakothek der Moderne, Munich; Tate Modern, London and the Glenstone Collection, Potomac.

I DON’T GET IT. I don’t get most art. Apparently this photo is really special for some reason. Special enough to be in museums. For some reason I’ll never understand.

I especially don’t understand people thinking a picture of basically nothing is worth more than $1,000. After $1,000 I’d be like ummmm NOPE! I will find something else beautiful for my living room, thanks.

I hope this photograph was purely a financial investment and not someone just thinking “MAN THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL I WANT TO PAY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR IT.”

via The Daily What

update: thanks to the person in the comments for correcting me on messing up basically all the information in this post. *knucks*

79 lb anorexic mom shares clothes with her 7-year-old daughter

Wowwwwwww. 26-year-old Rebecca Jones weighs 79 pounds, weighing more than her 7-year-old daughter Maisy, who she is 8 inches taller than.

Her diet consists of soup, toast, and energy drinks. Doctors tell her that if she doesn’t eat more she’ll die, and she doesn’t care. She was teased growing up, weighing as much as 210 lbs at one point. She developed the eating disorder when her parents divorced, at age 11.

At college she felt a kick in her stomach, went to the doctor and found out she was 26 WEEKS PREGNANT. She still had a flat stomach, hadn’t put on weight, and was a size 6. Up until that point she thought she was infertile because her weight loss made her periods stop. Even though she was pregnant, she only put on 7 lbs. Her baby was born 5 lbs 7 oz.

This is SO FREAKING CRAZY. That picture up there makes me feel sick too. She is 5’1″ 79 lbs. I wish they would’ve chosen a picture in more form fitting clothing so people don’t go, “ah, well she doesn’t look that bad.” Because underneath that baggy dress she probably looks like death. Gross. At least her little girl looks like she eats enough, but that’s a terrible example to set for your kid.

via The Daily Mail

This hot piece of ass dressed like a ref then streaked across the field. THEN caused a huge on-field fight. I think…

There are few things in life that bring me more joy than people streaking at sporting events and subsequently getting tackled and making a walk of shame across the field. Honey, you think KFC is still open?

This hot piece of ass, Jacen Lankow AKA the fake ref streaker, dressed up as a ref at the University of Arizona vs UCLA game, somehow made his way onto the field, then ran around in a speedo until he was tackled. What you DON’T see in the first video is a huge fight that breaks out right afterward. Check out the second video for full perspective. It’s not clear what started the fight, but I’m blaming everything on Jacen and his speedo.

Dog (> cat) fights off knife-wielding intruder

Thankfully this has a somewhat happy ending (hey, the dog is alive!), but it could be happier if his medical bills are paid.

Nine-year-old Buster fought so hard to protect his home that he shattered several teeth as he chomped on his attacker’s hunting knife. He also suffered gashes to his throat, shoulder and jowls.

“Every room of my house was filled with blood. It was like a murder scene,” said Larry Wagaman, who returned home to the crime scene about 10:20 a.m. Thursday at his east St. Paul house.

Buster, a fawn boxer who survived his latest surgery on Monday, was home alone while Wagaman went on a 20-minute run to buy supplies for a weekend bow-hunting trip.

Wagaman, an Anoka County corrections officer, returned to find Buster slumped in his basement kennel in a puddle of blood and gasping for air through a sucking neck wound.

A thief (or thieves) broke in by smashing two windows of the house on the 1800 block of E. Maryland Avenue. Cash, computers, a hunting bow, three rifles and Wagaman’s corrections uniforms were stolen. The invader turned Wagaman’s own 6-inch hunting knife on Buster, then left the bloody weapon on the kitchen table.

Wagaman wasn’t surprised Buster fought so hard to protect the house he’s lived in since he was a puppy.

“He’s a dog that comes around every 100 years. He’s just awesome,” Wagaman said. Buster “fought him off every room they were in.”

The dog’s care exceeded $3,000 — before the latest surgery. “That’s a lot of money, but I don’t care. He’s a hero,” Wagaman said.

Employees in the St. Paul emergency communications center, who heard the initial emergency call, have already raised $500 to help. A fund has been set up for Buster’s care in his name at any Wells Fargo branch. The “Buster Fund” is account No. 642-89-22-071.

Even though the burglar made away with some possessions, they weren’t able to take Buster’s bad ass title!

via The Daily What via Star Tribune

What do YOU think? Is it ethical for to NBC pay Casey Anthony for her interview?

When Casey Anthony was released from jail, there was a media frenzy to score the first interview. Her skeevy lawyer, Jose Baez, wanted to entertain all the offers and set up an official negotiation session. It was clear from the beginning that NBC really wanted it, they even paid for the hotel room. TMZ got wind that this was happening and wrote about it. At that point, the public became outraged NBC was going to let her profit from a sad situation, and the negotiations broke down. All the news channels backtracked and said they were no longer going to pursue a paid interview. Basically they got caught red-handed and didn’t want backlash.

Looks like NBC let some time pass, and they’re back at it. TMZ is reporting NBC has found a way around having to admit they’re paying Casey for an interview.  They’re using their connections to score her a book deal, and in return Casey is granting them an interview. A lot of people are upset about this. I don’t get it. Well, wait. Let me rephrase. I GET IT. I get that a murderer shouldn’t profit off killing her kid by getting a book deal, or getting paid 7 figures for an interview.

But want to know the truth? The TMZ article I read had a poll, “NBC: Clever or shame on them?” and voted “Shame on them” because I know that’s what I’m supposed to say. And deep down I know it’s wrong. But honestly? I’d DVR that interview like no one’s business and I’d watch every second of it. And I’m pretty sure the other 44,702 people who voted in the poll would agree with me. TMZ is saying:

The honchos at NBC — the C stands for crafty — think they figured out a way to snag an interview with Casey Anthony without paying a red cent, and make her a wealthy woman at the same time.

We’ve learned an NBC news producer has reached out to people in the literary world, trying to score a book deal for Anthony. The producer has contacted literary agents and others, telling them if he scored a book deal for Casey, she’d give the network a 1-hour, primetime special … portions of which would also run on “Today.”

The producer makes it clear — NBC couldn’t pay a cent for the interview.  But he is gung-ho about the book deal, even representing that Casey wants up front money.

Jose Baez, Casey’s lawyer, tells TMZ … he has full knowledge of the producer’s efforts, but says, “I’m not involved in that process. I did not entice him to do it.”

Baez was quick to add, “Casey is not ready to do an interview.”

Instead of going through all the effort to score her a book deal, why doesn’t NBC just pay her for the interview and move on? We all know you’re trying to be sneaky, NBC. Just own it and people will move on. Everyone will act outraged for a week or two before the interview airs, threaten to boycott NBC, 20 million people will tune in to watch it, the people who threatened to boycott will stop watching NBC for a week or two, and then when the next big thing happens in the news, they’ll forget and keep watching. And maybe 1% of the people who threatened to boycott will actually quit NBC for good. That’s how it works. That’s how it works with EVERYTHING. That interview is going to happen. Someone is going to pay Casey for it. When? Who knows. But it will happen. So my argument is just, get it over with, pay her, admit you paid her, and move on.

What do you think? If NBC is determined to score the interview, would you rather them pay her and admit it, or be sneaky and try to get her a book deal so they can save face to the public?

Mystery condition causes 21 year old to age rapidly and look like an old woman.

This is going to give me nightmares. That picture is REAL, unphotoshopped, and of a 21 year old (now 26) that had an allergic reaction to seafood, so she took some medicine. Afterward her skin started to sag, and now she looks like an old woman. This story is so sad. Can you imagine? I got no jokes. via WTOP:

A 26-year-old woman in Vietnam is believed to suffer from an extremely rare disease that causes her skin to age rapidly.

The Telegraphin London reported the story on Friday, saying Nguyen Thi Phuong began to age rapidly in 2008 after she had an allergic reaction to seafood and took some medicine she bought from a pharmacy.

“I was really itchy all over my body. I had to scratch even while sleeping,” Phoung tells The Telegraph. “Then I switched to traditional medicine and all the hives disappeared, together with my itching. However, my skin began to sag and fold.”

What exactly is afflicting Phoung is unknown, however some have argued she could have a condition called lipodystrophy, which causes a layer of fatty tissue beneath the skin to disintegrate, while the skin itself continues to grow rapidly.

According to the Telegraph, the condition has no cure and leaves sufferers with loose folds of skin all over their body.

The woman, the Mekong Delta province of Ben Tre, says while the skin all over her body has aged, her teeth, eyes, mind and menstrual cycle remain in youthful condition.

Phoung has worn a mask over her face since 2008, when her skin first began to sag. She is married, and says the unconditional love from her husband has been her strength throughout her ordeal.

At least she found a husband before it all happened, and that he stayed with her. That’s sweet.

This turkey is a terrorist.

Some obnoxious news producer was shocked, SHOCKED, that when she confronted a turkey terrorist, that the turkey chased her. Even though she was there to do a story about this crazy turkey. Maybe she should’ve brought a bat with her. Or something to defend herself, like a baster.

The mailman couldn’t even stop him! My favorite part was when the turkey literally stalked her ass and circled her car. The moment when he went into stealth mode and poked its head over the hood? That must’ve been terrifying for that poor, poor producer. Imagine the fear she must’ve experienced. WHAT IF THAT TURKEY PECKED ITS WAY INTO THE VEHICLE WITH HIS LITTLE BEAK? What would she do? Would she get to say goodbye to her family? Here’s her perspective of the story, via NEWS10 Sacramento:

After hearing neighbors’ stories of wild turkeys chasing down joggers and other residents in an Arden- area neighborhood, News10 producer Duffy Kelly went out for a firsthand look. Duffy said she “didn’t want to take the ‘Terrible Tom’ stories at face value,” so she went to the neighborhood and tried to walk past one of the birds.

Duffy had her camera rolling for her unexpected turkey run. Neighbors told Duffy the turkeys have been in the area for years and usually scurry away when folks walk by. They say only recently two turkeys broke off from the flock and are intent on standing guard in their own empty lot.

Some people are carrying sticks to frighten off the turkeys, but neighbors say they don’t want any harm to come to them. They just want friendlier neighbors.

I loved the, “Neighbors say they don’t want any harm to come to them.” llloooolll. If there was a crazy turkey like that in my neighborhood, I’m pretty sure it would take 48 hours for someone to go country on that turkey and eat it for dinner. No joke. IT’S A TURKEY. It has a brain the size of a gumball. Eat it. EAT THE TURKEY. Make cold turkey sandwiches for a week afterward. That turkey could be the best thing to happen to you! I also loved the “Coming Up” section at the end of the article, describing what hard-hitting journalism is coming down the pipeline from NEWS10 in Sacramento:

On Monday, October 10, beginning with our 5 a.m newscast, News10 will follow up on Duffy’s “turkey attack,” the neighborhoods that are affected, how you can protect yourself, and what can be done to prevent wildlife from getting too wild.

Some viewers say they love the turkeys.  The birds add to the beauty of the lush landscaping and winding creek roads, and they help create an unmatched country feel in suburbia.

But others say they don’t like the turkeys scratching up their yards and taking over.  And as you see on our viral video, the turkeys can get the upper hand on passersby.

Find out why the turkey population is increasing, and what you can do to preserve the beauty of this wild bird while protecting yourself.

“What can be done to prevent wildlife from getting too wild” lulz. EAT. THE. F*CKING. TURKEY. That’s how you can prevent it from happening.

Are you ready for this? CONFIRMED: Arrested Development SEASON….FOUR!!!

The creators and cast of Arrested Development, one of the funniest shows ever, announced they’re going to do a limited season four, which leads into the planned movie! This is the best news I’ve heard in a while. Very exciting. via The Wall Street Journal:

NEW YORK — The Bluth family’s frozen banana stand may be back in business.

At an “Arrested Development” reunion Sunday at the New York Festival, the creators and cast announced plans for another season of the short-lived but critically acclaimed TV show, which went off the air in 2006 after just three seasons. They also discussed more concrete plans for a much-awaited movie.

Creator Mitchell Hurwitz said he wanted to do the movie originally but decided to tell where the nine main characters have been for the last five years. The Fox show starred Jason Bateman, Michael Cera and Portia de Rossi.

Shooting for the TV show is tentatively set to begin next summer.

The movie doesn’t have a release date, Hurwitz said, adding that the creative aspects have been largely worked out, but the business side is still being negotiated.

“We’re all game,” he said. “We’ve hated being coy, but we’ve been trying to put together this ambitious idea.”

The show featured a dysfunctional family who ran a collapsing real estate development company and frozen banana stand. Despite its rabid fan base, ratings were low, and it wasn’t a commercial success.

IN THE NEWS: World’s Longest Tongue record holder will give you nightmares forever

Chanel Tapper from California just set the record for longest tongue. It’s 10 centimeters from top of her tongue to her tip lip. Video of it is above, if you dare to watch it.

This is gross for so many reasons. Mainly #1, if my tongue was that long I would spend my free time Googling “plastic surgery tongue shortening” and writing letters to ask doctors to fix me pro-bono instead of notifying the Guiness Book of World Records that I’m a genetic freak. #2, why does her tongue have that film/mold across the entire thing, like she’s never brushed her teeth? Why is it white? That’s so nasty. And when she makes it wide? I literally gasped and it made me feel ill.

GROSS GROSS GROSS. Stop it. Do yourself a favor and use some of the money from all these interviews to BUY A TONGUE SCRAPER.

via The Daily What

OOOMMMGGG, a red headed seal pup! I’m going to die of cuteness overload.

THIS IS THE CUTEST THING I’VE EVER FREAKING SEEN. Seriously. I’m going to die. If someone else didn’t adopt him, I would’ve. Somehow. Are seals legal pets? via The Daily What:

A rare gingery-brown seal pup, spotted by photographer Anatoly Strakhov on Russia’s Tyuleniy Island, was reportedly abandoned by its herd, and left to fend for itself.

“He was not playing with other baby seals he just was hiding and waiting for his mother to come and feed him,” Strakhov is quoted as saying.

Happily, Strakhov reports that staff from a local dolphinarium have adopted the seal. One less lonely pup.

Bunch of strangers life a car off a man under a burning car. Tricky GIF.

And of course someone made this. WHAT A BUNCH OF JERKS, HUH?

GIF via The Grip

Woman calls her boyfriend 65,000 times in a year. Bug…a….boo.

I love when I read stories about women that are a million times crazier than I’ll ever be, it makes me feel really good about my mental health and wifey material status! Thanks, crazy lady. Thanks a lot. Seriously! via Yahoo News:

Dutch prosecutors are charging a 42-year-old woman with stalking after she allegedly called her ex-boyfriend 65,000 times in the past year.

The 62-year-old victim from The Hague filed a police complaint in August due to the persistent phone calls. Police arrested the suspected stalker Monday, seizing several cell phones and computers from her home in Rotterdam.

Hague prosecution spokeswoman Nicolette Stoel said Thursday the woman argued to judges at a preliminary hearing she had a relationship with the man and the number of calls she placed to him wasn’t excessive. The man denied they had a relationship.

The court ordered her not to contact him again.

I’m having a hard time believing there was no relationship, because why did it take him an entire year to report this? She was a younger woman (20 years younger, in fact!). Obviously they were doing it. You know….it. He probably tried to stop (doing it), and she got really upset, RIGHTFULLY SO. And she wanted to talk to him about it. And I mean, THAT’S HER RIGHT. She was probably really upset. And hurt. And why didn’t he want to have sex with her, she’s 20 years younger than him, he should be glad he’s got a young lady interested in him! How dare he not pick up her calls! HOW DARE HE!!!

Anyway, SHE CALLED HIM A LOT. How much, you might be wondering? I did some math. And by did some math, I used my fingers and toes and carried a 1 and I’m not positive this is all right.

65,000 times in a year=178 times a day. If he was awake for 18 hours a day, she was calling him 10 times an hour…ONCE. EVERY. SIX. FUCKING. MINUTES. For a year. A YEARRRRRRRR. Can you imagine? His cell phone bills must have been out of control. Pretty intense, mang. Pretty intense.

Also, on a completely unrelated note, I was trying to find a picture to put with this article since this crazy ho is unnamed and there are no photos of her. So I Googled “women be crazy” and this is the first article that popped up. The first line of it reads, “If by now you have not recognized the fact that all women are crazy, then you need more help than this website can possibly give you.”

That guy has it all figured out. TRUE. STORY. I didn’t read any more of it because I’m already fully aware that I (along with all my female friends) am somewhat crazy, so I don’t want to waste valuable internetting time reading it. It can teach me nothing. But if it’s good, let me know in the comments.

If there’s ever a time to get drunk, it’s definitely during a hurricane. And you should definitely tell the news reporter about it.

My favorite part is the end where she prances away. Can we call it a prance of shame?

This guy took a vacation. TO GO FIGHT WITH REBELS IN LIBYA.

I can’t decide if I think this guy is awesome or retarded. Or maybe a little of both? via The Daily What:

Best Summer Vacation Story Ever of the Day: Meet Chris Jeon: A 21-year-old UCLA math major who flew to Libya to fight alongside the rebels on a whim.

“At spring break I told my friends a ‘sick’ vacation would be to come here and fight with the rebels,” he told Christian Science Monitor correspondent Kristen Chick.

Jeon says he purchased an $800 one-way ticket to Cairo, then snuck across the border into Libya. Because he doesn’t speak a lick of Arabic, Jeon has relied on sign language and broken Italian to communicate with his new-found brothers-in-arms.

As for the rebels, they’ve welcomed the foreigner with open arms, even conferring upon Jeon an honorary Libyan name, Ahmed El Maghrabi Saidi Barga.

The Orange County native, who calls the Libyan Uprising “one of the few real revolutions,” plans to return home soon enough, but not before helping the rebels take the loyalist stronghold of Sirte.

Chick reports that Jeon was not worried about the upcoming battle. “I believe in destiny,” he told her. His mother and father, on the other hand, are an entirely different matter.

“Whatever you do, don’t tell my parents,” he begged The National‘s Bradley Hope. “They don’t know I’m here.”

POLITICAL CREEPSTER OF THE DAY: Gaddafi had a scrap book full of Condoleezza Rice photos, probably to fap to.

The story goes like this: a bunch of rebels in Libya broke into Gaddafi’s compound after he fled. They did the usual breaking and entering routine…….1) destroy stuff by setting it on fire, 2) take pictures on ornate furniture paid for by stealing money from citizens, and 3) publicly humiliate Gaddafi by showing the world he forgot to take his fapping scrapbook full of Condi Rice pictures when he fled. Awkward.

Apparently Gaddafi had a thing for Condi Rice. Back in 2007 he had an interview with Al-Jazeera and said about Condi:

Support my darling black African woman. I admire and am very proud of the way she leans back and gives orders to the Arab leaders… Leezza, Leezza, Leezza. … I love her very much. I admire her and I’m proud of her because she’s a black woman of African origin.

This is pretty much the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard. I mean……………yeah. There’s not much I can say here. He is an evil man, AND he has a scrap book full of Condoleezza Rice photos to fap to. Can you imagine Condi’s aid walking in to tell her it hit the news? I’m sure it went something like this:

“Ms. Rice, I need to speak with you immediately.”
“I’m on a call right now.”
“It’s important.”
“How important?”
“Pictures-of-you-being-used-as-masturbating-material-by-Gaddafi important.”
“Mr. President, I’m going to have to call you back.”

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(Also, I seriously CAN’T STOP THINKING about Jack Donaghy and 30 Rock. So I included this hilarious video of Condi putting Jack’s flute skills to shame. If you don’t watch 30 Rock, you wouldn’t understand. But if you watch 30 rock……I know, right?)

via MSNBC via Buzzfeed


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UPDATE: my friend Robby on Facebook just sent me this wonderful photoshop that I can’t take credit for, but still wanted to share :)


Unshopped picture via this guy

Crazy ex-husbands do crazy things. Even when they’re the mayor of Quebec.

Everyone always says, “bitches be crazy!” and I’m not going to disagree with you (because I’m 100% crazy and admit it) but it needs to be noted that guys are just as, if not more so, crazy. Case and point via The Daily What:

Quipping that Isabelle Prevost, to whom he was married for ten years until they divorced in 2010, always wanted “a big rock,” Mayor Dany Larivière personally drove a 20-tonne boulder inscribed with the words “happy birthday Isa” to her house, and dumped it on her driveway.

“This is for all you’re doing to me” read a second inscription referencing the heavy financial toll the divorce has taken on Lariviere.

“I took a rock from one of my quarries and I brought it to her place with a little message and a nice ribbon, just like a real gift,” Lariviere is quoted as saying.

The rock has since been removed, and police are investigating the situation ahead of possible harassment charges.

Real Housewives husband Russell Armstrong (of Beverly Hills) committed suicide.

Man, this is really sad. For those of you that don’t watch the show, during season one Taylor and her husband struggled because their marriage was more like a “business arrangement” (her words). She was an advocate of domestic abuse on the show because she had experienced it in other relationships.

After a lot of speculation over their marriage ending and them denying it, Taylor recently filed for divorce, and also talked about how Russell had become physically abusive to her. Russell somewhat confirmed this by saying he had pushed her before and the show placed added stress onto their life that wasn’t there prior. I might’ve bought this excuse, but then it then came out from Radar Online that he had a criminal history of domestic violence and one of his exes had a restraining order against him because of it. He was also sued by investors an for financial fraud, and apparently is in deep debt with no way out of it. So that’s a history recap.

TMZ is reporting that Russell hanged himself yesterday. He was found hanging in his bedroom on Mulholland Drive last night around 8 PM. A friend he was staying with found him and called 911. Authorities have not found a suicide note, but Taylor (his wife) was notified of his death last night. He was 47 years old. I guess none of the other ladies knew (Kyle, Kim, Lisa, etc) because they’re all expressing shock online.

It’s really sad. I’m not a fan of Taylor, but I mean… I have nothing but hope for her and her daughter. Hopefully they can heal. It would be a good idea for her to take some time off from the show and I PRAAAAAY Bravo won’t exploit this for Season 3. That’d be really pathetic and sad.

They already finished filming Season 2 and have been airing promos that feature Taylor talking about their marriage problems quite a bit. And having an emotional breakdown. I’m guessing it was going to be a major theme throughout the season. Maybe Bravo will delay Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and re-edit, or place it on a delay to wait until the media storm has passed? Who knows.


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