What up, internet.
I never hang out with you anymore! Unless I’m on my phone, which is a sad and pitiful version of the internet. I miss you, a lot. Mostly the animated GIFs, and occasionally all those crazy short girls that comment on this one particular blog of mine relentlessly. You guys should stop doing that, you know.
So I came back for a visit for two reasons. First because I miss you (we’ve covered this), but secondly because I want to publicly proclaim my New Years’ Resolutions for the year 2013. I know myself pretty well, and one thing I’ve learned about myself is that if I tell people I’m going to do something, I’m much more likely to actually do it. When I feel like quitting, I’m like, “Man, all those people know I’m supposed to do this, and if I don’t, they’ll realize I suck.”
So here we go, keep me accountable:
1) Hit 5,000,000 views by the end of the year. And to accomplish that, I obviously need to blog more. So….. that’s right up there with the views goal. I did some Christmas decorating, so hopefully that’s an incentive to blog at LEAST in January, because no one wants to be that tacky person that keeps everything decorated with Christmas stuff long after December 25.
2) Run a marathon. After I ran my half-marathon in May, I told people, “Even if I could I wouldn’t run a marathon, that’s not even good for your body!” but truth is I wanted to run a full marathon, I just didn’t think I could. So obviously now I have to run a marathon. I plan on doing the Cap City Half-Marathon in May again, but my goal is to run a full 26.2 mile marathon in fall of 2013. Probably a really, really slow marathon, but a marathon nonetheless.
3) Go rock climbing with Kelsie this summer. I’m hella afraid of heights, and I’m not what most would call an “outdoorsy” person (although I did once pee in the woods while camping…. you can call be Bear Grylls!). I’d also like to surf (which goes hand in hand with rock climbing, because SHAAAAAARRKKKK!!!!!!!).
4) Celebrate my 25th birthday in style. I’m a homebody and I never go out to bars because I don’t drink. I really want to have fun for my birthday this year. So… Vegas, maybe? Big ‘ol party, maybe? I’m not sure, all I know is I’m going to wear something sparkly, and keep it classy. In my head I’ll look like the girl on the left. But in reality, I’ll probably look something like the girl on the right. And I think I’m OK with that….
5) Curse less. Somehow not only my parents read this, but a bunch of their friends (some of whom I don’t even know) read this. Part of my humor is cursing, which my dad says is cheap. And he thinks I’m funny enough not to have to cuss to get people to laugh. I, however, am not as confident. But I’m going to try, because embarrassing my parents is something I was hoping I’d stop doing after I grew out of my side-pony phase.
OK, so that’s that. Everyone keep me accountable.
Every once in a while I use my website for a good (instead of evil), and today is one of those days. Please not only read, but donate. If you don’t have money to give, sharing Jeremy’s story on Facebook or by emailing your friends is just as helpful, because someone you share it with may feel called to donate on your behalf. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!
I’m sure 99% of you reading this have been touched by cancer in some way. This is how my family and I were recently affected.
I’ve known Jeremy for a few years because he and his wife Samantha are attached at the hip with my sister Christina and her husband, Ken. Ken and Jeremy grew up with together, and have been best friends their entire lives. But calling them best friends doesn’t seem to do it justice, because they’re more like brothers. They’ve been through it all together.
Jeremy and Samantha got married on May 16, 2009. They welcomed their son Parkus into the world 9 months later. When Parkus was 9 months old, they got pregnant with their second child, Paisley, who is now 16 months old. They move fast, right? Jeremy is also a step dad to Ellie, Samantha’s 10 year old daughter. If you throw in their four dogs, it’s not a stretch to say that Jeremy and Samantha have their hands full. Money is tight, but Jeremy has always worked extremely hard to make the most comfortable life for him and his family, and has been in the process of renovating their home himself.
On October 16, 2012 Jeremy went to the doctor to have a lump on the bottom of his foot looked at. It had bothered him for a few weeks. He walked into the doctor’s office thinking he was healthy as a horse, and was told that he not only had cancer, but he was going to lose part of his leg. As you can imagine, this news was devastating to Jeremy and his family and friends.
A week later, Jeremy and Samantha went to their follow up appointment at the James Cancer Hospital to review tests and scans with his oncologist. They were told Jeremy’s cancer was very aggressive and had already spread to his lungs and lymph nodes. He was diagnosed with stage four high-grade Sarcoma, and they scheduled amputation for the next day.
While recovering from his amputation, doctors told Jeremy that his cancer is not curable, but if he wanted to go through chemo to delay things, he could. Samantha and Jeremy made the decision together that he’s still going to do everything he can to fight this, and he started chemotherapy.
His friends and family believe in the power of prayer, and the power of great treatment! We are trying everything we can to reduce stress for Jeremy so he can focus on trying to fight this, and heal from his surgery. We also want Samantha, Ellie, Parkus and Paisley to spend as much time with Jeremy as they can right now, and not have to worry about other things.
Jeremy works as a salesman, and is receiving very little pay at the moment. Samantha has taken a lot of time off work, and overall their financial situation is just extremely stressful right now. During his treatment, Jeremy’s son Parkus fell out of bed and broke his arm, and had surgery last week, which is another financial hurdle.
At this point the best way you can assist is financially, so please donate if you are able to. We have yellow Team Jeremy rubber bracelets for anyone that donates $15 or more. The address information you input on the billing screen isn’t shared with us. If you donated $15 or more, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your mailing address and we will send you a thank you note and your bracelet that you can wear it in support of Team Jeremy.
I really can’t even tell all of you how much we love Jeremy, and how desperately we want him to get better. We want his family taken care of, and are trying to raise as much money as possible for them at this time of need. Please feel free to leave words of support for Jeremy and his family in the comments section, they will be reading it. And please don’t forget to DONATE!
I used to do surveys all the time in high school, so I’m going to do one now, because I’m bored.
1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
“I do” – 98 degrees
“We’ve Got Company” – Civalias
“Body Parts” – Plain White T’s
“Stop” – Matchbox Twenty
“Pony (It’s OK)” – Erin McCarley
“Skies So Blue” – The Rocket Summer
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? John Mayer, duh.
If you ever wonder what I was immediately after graduating high school, here is your answer in video form:
I have no idea why we made these videos, but I’m so glad we did because they make me laugh when I go back and watch them.
Kaila made the best voices. And no matter what you say, our singing is awesome.
Please keep in mind we were 18 at the time, so us being annoying is permitted!!!
Don’t be jealous your dad doesn’t plank.
Just kidding, go ahead and be jealous.
FYI, I tagged this post with “old people” “elderly” and “senior citizens”
LOVE YOU, DAD!
I’m a week late, but I just remembered I made this video before Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out. I had a YouTube channel (I KNOW. I know.) My prediction was way off and it makes me laugh, so here you go:
OMFG. I said “like” so many God damn times. That’s embarrassing.
Last night I was sleeping and heard this noise right behind my head in the window. I was SURE someone was trying to break into it and murder me. It was a great test of how I would react in an “I’m about to get murdered” situation. I stayed perfectly still for a good 30 seconds terrified and would’ve been prime murder-them-without-a-struggle material. I AM THE PERSON I HATE IN HORROR MOVIES. The person I yell at saying, “WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE? RUN!!” Yeah. That was me.
Anyway, after getting some courage I shined my light on the window and couldn’t see any murderers so I decided to go back to bed. This morning I heard it again and turned around to find a baby bunny! An adorable cute baby bunny just tryin’ to live his life but he got stuck.
I staged a rescue. My rescue failed after I went down there and he started to freak out. That’s when I recruited the Bunny Whisperer AKA John Lieb who has become a bunny expert in recent months. Here’s a video of the whole thing goin’ down. PRETTY AWESOME. I should get a medal.
I somehow managed to film one the correct way and one the wrong way so it messed up the formatting. SORRY YOU HAVE TO WATCH WITH YOUR HEAD SIDEWAYS. I’m not a professional. Also, sorry I screamed, and sorry I sound like a freak… I’m very sick right now. IT HAPPENS, OK?
This blog is long, but it’s WORTH IT. Seriously. It’s worth it. Read it.
Once upon a time (one hour ago, in fact) I went to see a pre-screening of Super 8 with my dad. 7:30 PM showtime. The movie was great (GO SEE IT!). It was about a bunch of kids using a Super 8 camera to film a zombie movie for a film festival. They accidentally catch footage of this train accident…. you know the rest.
Because it was a pre-screening, it was literally PACKED. Every seat filled. A group of…. larger…. ladies…. were sitting to my dad’s right. I don’t know if you are aware of this, but Lennox Theater allows you to bring in food. They don’t advertise it, but frequent movie-goers like myself are aware of it. They must’ve been too, because they brought in a Wendy’s combo meal. Keep this in mind for later, please.
My dad had to leave at 9:30 on the dot to pick someone up, so he got up and left and stood right by the entrance until, literally, the last second of the film, and left before the credits start rolling. I stayed to watch the credits because I hate that after-movie-chaos where everyone is trying to make it out like there’s a fire.
About thirty seconds into the credits, while a lot of people were making their way towards the exit rows, they start playing footage during the credits. It was the footage all the little kids in the movie filmed with their camera. Not the monster footage, but the footage for a film festival…. anyway… the point is IT WAS CUTE. So everyone stopped exiting their rows, and stood there to watch the credits.
While the entire theater is standing there enjoying the footage playing during the credits, I hear the woman that was sitting next to my dad start loudly complaining that people weren’t leaving the theater. “MOVE! I don’t want to watch this sh*t!” This struck me as strange because the short film was really cute, so I figured she must be in a hurry to leave. Keep in mind it’s still dark at this point.
The footage was 2-5 minutes long, so while it was playing the lights finally turned on in the theater. Then I hear someone say, “Oh my GOD…. what is that?“ in this dramatic voice. I look over and there is puke ALL OVER THE FLOOR in front of the loud complaining girl who was sitting next to my dad. The puke is directly in between Pukey’s (that’s what I’m calling her) feet and on the seat in front of her. None of it was disturbed. Pukey goes, “is that puke?” and I think to myself, while trying not to gag, “OBVIOUSLY IT IS PUKE.” Again, this is striking me as odd because CLEARLY IT WAS PUKEY’S PUKE. But she was trying to act like she’d never seen it before.
The girl in front of Pukey turns around and yells, “I thought someone had spilled their pop on me during the credits, but you PUKED ON ME!” (I don’t know how it can take you a minute plus to realize you got puked on, but stranger things have happened.)
At this point all these people who were previously looking at the screen are now looking at Pukey and her victim, therefore looking at me because I’m standing right next to them, half enjoying the show, half covering my face because the puke is starting to smell. All of the sudden I hear Pukey say:
“IT WAS THAT OLD MAN!”
I think to myself………….. “What old man?” and then I realized…. THAT B-WORD IS TALKING ABOUT MY DAD!!!!! I quickly informed Pukey that my dad was gone during the credits so he couldn’t have puked. She said, “He puked and left!” and I said, “no, YOU puked! How could he puke in between your feet without you knowing it until now?” The victim (AKA the girl who got puked on) was backing me up, calling Pukey a liar. “You were eating a combo meal!!! You are the one that puked. How can you blame that nice old man?” Pukey doesn’t really respond to anything we’re saying, she just keeps yelling at me “IT WAS THAT OLD MAN! He puked and left,” while slowly making her way out of the theater.
I’m not a confrontational person. My family jokes if I order steak and they serve me chicken instead, if the waiter asked how the meal was I’d say, “GREAT!” It’s pathetic but it’s true. I’m not assertive. But I am a major Daddy’s girl and have a tendency to stick up for him. So I got soooooo mad at Pukey. I mean, A) she called my dad an “old man” and he is totally not an old man yet! And more importantly, B) he wasn’t there to defend himself and all those people in the theater would think he did it unless I stood up for him. So while she kept responding, “It was that old man!” the victim and I took up arms and fought for justice, and loudly asserted that her eating cake likely had more to do with it than my innocent dad, who just wanted to enjoy the movie.
Luckily we managed to avoid a physical confrontation, because that woman could’ve sat on me and killed me. When I was making my way out of the theater I told one of the employees that there was puke in the theater. The victim was walking out while I said this, and came up to say her peace. “It was those fat asses! If you find those fat bi*ches make them clean it up!” and “They were eating CAKE in the movie. Who eats cake in a movie!” and “They were eating the whole time, those fat b*tches! No wonder she puked!” and “She tried to blame it on her dad! WHO DOES THAT!”
And Pukey’s victim has a point, right? WHO DOES THAT.
I quickly made my way to Twitter to tell everyone about the ordeal, because obviously it was one of the most surreal things to ever happen to me, and one of the people I follow from Columbus responded and happened to be in the theater at the time. He said:
It hit the nail on the head. And to answer your question, YES, I am a crazy person magnet. I don’t know how these things happen to me, THEY JUST DO. And I share them with you. You’re welcome.
Also, I have a picture of the puke. I don’t know why I did it, or more importantly HOW. I was stuck in my chair because I couldn’t exit the row (people watching the footage), and had my face covered with my t-shirt to suppress my gag reflex. I didn’t know what to do with my hands so I took a photo of it. I AM GROSS, I KNOW. I’m not including it in here though, because that’s nasty.
I post a ton of pictures and videos on Facebook that don’t make it on the blog.
To make sure you don’t miss anything you should go *LIKE* my Facebook page! Click the picture below, YO.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! Thanks for homeschooling me and making me the way I am today. Without you, this perfect trainwreck recipe wouldn’t have happened, and this blog probably wouldn’t be here.
(and yes, that’s actually my family. I’m the awkward little one. For more funny family photos, you can look at a previous Mother’s Day blog I wrote)
That is all.
I am calling upon the supreme power of my female readers, and all the redirects I get from Google (probably from people trying to find this bag, too!)…. I NEED HELP FINDING THIS BAG!!
This weekend I was at the airport flying back from Hilton Head and I saw a girl carrying this bag (the one Jessica is holding). It is much cuter in person. I’m officially obsessed and want to buy it now. I looked online and she only has a bunch of ugly bags on her website (if you don’t believe me, click here. Super fug, right?). I can’t find them ANYWHERE!!! All I can find is that it was part of her Spring 2010 collection and it’s the “Stripe” line.
I can’t find any of these bags anywhere! I have looked on eBay, Macy’s, her website, iOffer, Google Shopping… everywhere. I’m desperate! I don’t care where I buy it from… but if anyone has a lead… please email me (over there —>) or leave a comment. I want one badly. I will probably be obsessive compulsive about this until I can find one. Sigh. This makes me sad.
I’m pretty sure this is an Easter GIF, but I don’t care because IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!
My Pirate Bedroom blog has been pretty popular. The first comment on the post mentioned how they were 16 and would still want to live in the room, despite it being for children. This created a tidal wave of “I’m ____ years old and I would still want to live in this room!” Seriously, TONS of comments exactly like that! LOL so when I got an email that I received this comment, it made me chuckle… I won’t lie.
So, Bob Funkhouse, even though you left a FAKE NAME (*shakes tiny fist in the air*) thanks for the comment! If there’s one thing I could wish for my blog, it would be that I get more comments. I like getting feedback from you guys, seeing your take on articles, pictures, what you want more of, what you hated, etc! So… yeah… THANKS!
I saw this animated GIF and couldn’t not blog about it. The look on that dude’s face goes from pure excitement to pure horror. It is truly an “OH MY GOD I’M GONNA DIE” face. His panicked efforts to get his head back through the harness reminded me of a similar experience a few years back when I rode my first roller coaster.
Before I get to that, I need to give you a little background information. I live in Ohio and have been spoiled by being surrounded by some of the best theme parks in the world. Granted, they’re all a few hours away, but when it comes to school field trips, spur of the moment road trips, and “summer break is getting boring, what should we do” moments…. 2.5 hours is nothin’.
Unfortunately, while I was growing up my parents considered 3 hours too far to drive. That means during my childhood the only experience I had riding roller coasters was the piece of shit wooden roller coaster at Wyndot Lake that had a (maybe) 50 foot big hill, and was 25 seconds long. Only one group of people could go at once, so it took forrrr-evvvvv-errrrrr in line, but it was always the high point of my trips there. I was perfectly content with that roller coaster. I had no idea what I was missing.
In middle school, The Millenium Force was in the news all the time since it was the newly-built highest and longest roller coaster in the world. THE WORLD. In Ohio. Let that soak in for a minute. It’s all anyone in our class could talk about. For our 7th or 8th grade (can’t remember which) field trip, we all paid our fees, we rented a bus, and headed off to Cedar Point around 8 AM. Since the internet, or rather… MY internet… only consisted of Neopets and AOL chat rooms, I’d never seen a picture of Cedar Point’s skyline and had no idea how to find one. I’ll never forget the feeling in my stomach when we drove across the bridge and I laid my eyes on the skyline. It’s pretty impressive. And by “impressive” I mean “terrifying.” No old told me it was that high. Of course all my friends wanted to go and ride that first, so we went into the park and headed straight towards The Millenium Force.
Waiting in line for 3+ hours, you have a lot of time to think about what is about to happen, for most people this is a great experience. For a 11 year old first-time rider like myself it’s traumatic because you’re thinking of every possible nightmare situation possible. I was positive I would die that day, but I wanted to seem “cool” so I was trying not to freak out. This actually makes things WORSE, at least to me.
By the time we reached the boarding area, my friend wanted to wait a little longer and ride in the front. I told her no way, so we rode somewhere in the middle. THANK GOD BECAUSE I TRULY BELIEVE THIS DECISION SAVED MY LIFE, lol. I buckled my seatbelt and reached forward to pull the bar down. It was stuck in the upright position. My friend assured me it would be lowered when the worker gave the thumps up. After he went through the instructions no one listens to, the worker gave the thumbs up, and my friend’s seat bar lowered…. mine didn’t move. I called the worker over and he said something to the conductor and mine lowered. I felt much better. Checked it 10 times and felt OK. The Millenium Force is pulled up the hill by a cable so it starts moving pretty quickly. I felt us lurch forward, and at the same moment MY BAR WENT LOOSE. It wasn’t holding me at all. I can’t explain it. All I know is I FREAKED. THE. F*CK. OUT. I went into self-preservation mode. For me, that means SCREAMING YOUR HEAD OFF. I can’t even….. the memory still haunts me. We were already out of the little boarding station and by the grace of God the worker heard me yell (because there are a LOT of people that yell at the beginning for absolutely no reason) and they stopped us from going any farther up the hill. Everything after that is a blur, all I know is they fixed it and I was soooooo embarrassed so I stayed in my seat because I didn’t want to draw more attention to myself and I finished out the ride. That ride was the longest 2 minutes of my life. Looking back, I have no idea why they didn’t take everyone off our section and check the safety mechanisms, or at least put me in another goddamn seat. The good thing is I AM ALIVE TODAY AND CAN LAUGH ABOUT IT.
So yeah, THAT WAS MY FIRST ROLLER COASTER RIDE EVER. Ever. Can you imagine? It was horrible. I was positive I was going to die. I was sure the last thing I would see as I face planted into the ground would be a nacho cheese stain in the pavement, and the last thing I would smell would be the lovely scent of sweaty white trash.
I will leave you with a POV video of the Millenium Force. It makes it seem slower than it actually is… so keep that in mind. It’s just very smooth. Anyway, the moral of the story is I DEFINITELY WOULD’VE DIED.
Vintage Bethany from my old YouTube channel…. How to get a guy to buy you a steak dinner in 1 minute
hahaha, I have all my videos as private on YouTube and went through them today and found this. I look like crap but it made me laugh so I’m sharing it with everyone.
Whew… didn’t expect all this traffic over the last few days. WUDDUP NEW READERS! I know my blog isn’t for everyone. I do this for fun and like to show my personality a bit. I realize I have a demographic (20 something girls who enjoy crappy TV and are borderline stalkers of celebrities) and it’s rare someone outside of that demographic is able to enjoy my site… but…. I’m not here to apologize if you don’t like it.
IF YOU DO LIKE IT, however… thanks for stopping by and please bookmark it and come back each day! Also don’t forget to *like* me on Facebook!
Y’ALL MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THE KID IN THE PINK SHIRT
Holy. Crap. That’s…….. I HAVE A PROBLEM. I need help.
That’s 224 articles a day. Assuming it takes me 1 minute per article (which is probably accurate since I scan a few, and some only have pictures) I spent on average 3+ hours a day reading various news articles.