JERSEY SHORE NOT-REALLY-LIVE-BLOGGING. Plus my favorite GIFs.

Holy shit guys. I CAN”T BELIEVE IT’S FINALLY HERE. Jersey Shore Season FOUUURRRRRRRR. I can’t believe I missed the premier and wasn’t able to live blog. Sorry! Good thing I DVR’d it. Here are my thoughts as we go along, including some animated GIFs to add some pizazz:

  • “I don’t know if any of the housemates are going to recognize me with this beard. I’m so much more better looking.” lmao….. VINNY THAT ISN’T A BEARD. That’s peach fuzz on yo face.

  • J-Woww messed up her face! What the heck! She looks like a brunette version of that 16 year old that married the 50 year old actor……Courtney Alexis Stodden. If you don’t know what I’m talking about please click here or here
  • Jenny seriously looks like she got punched in the face with a handful of Botox needles. Why’d she do that? She was pretty before. WHY DO GIRLS MESS WITH THEIR LIPS? It has NEVER looked good. Ever. Unless it’s Megan Fox, then it looks good. But that’s it.
  • WTF. Single Ronnie. Every season, ALL FUCKING FOUR OF THEM, has been single Ronnie going in saying he’s going to have a good time, and it always ends up with Ron and Sam in a dramatic messy relationship.
  • Who do you think will get their first? The guys or the girls? I think they’ll let the girls get there first. I’m pretty sure the guys got there first last time and the room arrangements sucked. I’ll laugh if Ronnie and Sam somehow end up together.
  • All their interview snippets seem very rehearsed. It’s annoying. Also these passport things are ridiculous too. Usually that’s the best part of the show, them winging it and just saying dumb stuff in the confessional. I hope that doesn’t end.

  • DEENA GET IT TOGETHER. STOP FALLING ALL THE TIME. Also, bitch mode……she has gained weight. Everyone is fatter this season!
  • “Oh yeah, CLOWN CAR yeaaaah”

  • “It’s the most beautifulist country I’ve ever seen” I love when Pauly D makes up words.
  • Awwwwwww, the guys got there first. HOLY SHIT, they actually gave them a nice place! And it’s not decked out with duck phones and wood paneling.
  • “YO, WE GOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT CLEANS YOUR ASS.” hahahahahaha. Ah, God. Then his proper way of explaining it is, “It cleans your butthole.”
  • Sam got a boob job? Lame. I was just thinking she looked like she gained weight. GIRLS WITH BIGGER BOOBS LOOK FATTER. True story. Oh wait. I’m confused. Why did Pauly say Sammi has bigger boobs if she didn’t get a boob job? Now Sam and Snooki are talking about getting fake boobs together. Maybe Sam just gained weight or something.
  • Why do they keep calling the Merry Go Round a Ferris Wheel? *STAB STAB STAB STAB*
  • Sam looks different. It’s bothering me. Why does she look so weird? WHY ARE HER BOOBS SO BIG? Maybe she got pregnant and got an abortion and she’s in afterglow boob mode.
  • “I feel like he’s going to try to woo you” hahahahahahahaha
  • Grenade horn. hahahaha. I love everything Pauly does. I can’t wait for his own show.
  • HAHAHAHA. Snooki is driving stick. Remember when she first bought her BMW and was stalling it all the time? Good for her. She finally learned.
  • MIKE IS SUCH A SKEEZE. “I’m gonna tell you something no one else knows. EXCEPT ALL OF AMERICA NOW.”

  • hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. The birds. They’re all freaking the hell out. Hilarious. I’ve never seem anyone so scared of pigeons.
  • “I want to do the Jersey Turnpike all over the place.”
  • “She’s gonna fuck up that situation with this Situation?”

  • Snooki and Mike are like a match made in reality TV heaven. Can you imagine if they dated? They’d be like my own version of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt…. hahahaha
  • “YO, CABS ARE HERE.” …… “TAXI SON AQUI.”
  • “She’s just one of the guys” is another way of saying “I would never have sex with her and don’t want to hurt her feelings.” Poor Deena.
  • I thought that they couldn’t drink in bars? What happened to that? Are they allowed to drink there since it looks like a strip club? Haha.

  • I love how the guys can’t get any girls since no one in Italy knows who they are. SEASON ONE ALL OVER AGAIN.

  • UH OH. Mike looks like he’s in creep mode.
  • I hate how Ronnie still can’t pronounce “Snooki” after 4 seasons. He still says “Shnooki” …. THERE IS NO “H.” This must stop.

  • Ewwwwwwwww. Deena kissing Pauly was disgusting. She’s gross. She just ruined him for me. Ew. Ew. Ew. Gross.

HONORABLE MENTION GIFS:

One response

  1. Oh my god…half of this is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Mainly, J-Woww getting plastic surgery on her face, confusion about Sammi’s boobs, confusion about drinking in the clubs, and Ronnie saying “Shnooki.”

    My favorite quote of all: “Maybe she got pregnant and got an abortion and she’s in afterglow boob mode.”

    August 5, 2011 at 2:08 PM

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